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The sounds of her moving around in her room pause, and then hesitantly, she pulls the curtains aside and sees me through the glass. She looks shocked for a second, and then laughs, opening the curtains fully and then the door, pulling me inside by the collar of my shirt. She doesn’t shut the door behind us, letting the salty, lemony air cascade around us.
“You moron,” she gasps, head shaking in amusement. “Did you reallyjump?!”
“Anything for you, fair Juliet.”
“I think Juliet left Romeo outside, but either way… what are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you.” I slide my hands down her bare arms, trying not to get distracted by the criminally small negligee she’s wearing. Her skin is damp and warm from the shower. “I can’t sleep knowing you’re so close, but all alone over here…”
“You’re being ridiculous,” she chides but doesn’t pull away either.
“Obviously I didn’t know Mia was going to be at dinner. I’m sorry I didn’t tell her to leave earlier, but it’s so hard with Andries right on our heels, I didn’t know what to do. But when I saw you leaving, you looked hurt, and… fuck, Elise. I feel like we just figured out that we want to be in each other’s lives, at least for now, and I don’t want to mess things up again already.”
“It’s not messed up,” she whispers, her eyes locked on mine. “I promise it’s not, but you and I both know that we have to end this soon. If my brother finds out, your friendship–”
I put my finger on her lips to make her stop talking, sliding the pad of it over the seam of her mouth. Her eyes close as if in a trance when I lean forward to kiss her, but at the first hint of touch, she jolts back to the present. “We can’t.” Her voice agonizes. “If we continue this affair, then Andries is sure to find out, and it will ruin your friendship forever. I know how much it means to you both.”
“I don’t care,” I tell her, and as soon as the words leave my mouth, I know they’re true. Of course, I care about Andries, and love him like a brother, but what I feel for Elise eclipses anything else.
My head is spinning. The confession, the truth, and the depth of my feelings for her are lodged in my throat. I don’t think I can hold them back any longer, even though confessing now would be a fool's errand. I’ve already fucked her in a nearly public space and jumped across the space between our two balconies, so foolish behavior where Elise is concerned is nothing new for me. So why are these few simple words the most terrifying, intimidating thing in the world for me?
And if I’m so frightened of them, why can’t I just hold them down and never tell her?
Moonlight is reflecting in her wide, round eyes, shimmering off of the creamy white silk of her scandalously short nightgown, and I want to see what it looks like falling over the peaks andvalleys of her naked body beneath mine. I want thatevery nightfor the rest of my life. Why do I feel this way, feverish and thunderstruck?
You love her!My heart chants inside me, seeming to have a mind of its own.You love Elise Van den Bosch. Admit it!
Her body language is guarded, hands still raised in case I try to gather her up and kiss her again. Part of me wants to grab her and slam my mouth over hers until she relents and gives in to what I know is between us, but I simply can’t. She has to come to me of her own volition, or not at all.
Am I really going to do this? Am I really going to confess my love to her?
“What do you mean you don’t care?” she demands, blinking twice in confusion, her mouth slightly agape. “He’s your best friend.”
“If he really is my best friend, then he’ll understand what I’m about to do, and forgive me one day.” I take a deep breath, teetering on the edge of proclaiming something that will change my life forever. I’m scared, unbelievably so, but above all else, enlivened by the possibilities of it all. Once I tell her, it will all be out in the open, and I’ll be able to live honestly for the first time in so, so long.
“Elise,” I begin, slowly and confidently, “I love you. I’min lovewith you. I have been for weeks now. Months… hell, probably even years. I love you and I don’t give a damn how Andries feels about it.”
If I thought her eyes were wide before, it’s nothing compared to now. She gapes at me, eyes like saucers, shining suspiciously bright in the darkened room. For maybe the first time in her entire life, my fiery, opinionated, pushy Elise is speechless.
“Say something,” I beg softly. “Anything. Don’t shut me out.”
She licks her lips, her mind searching for words while her gaze evades mine. “I… Dan… I…”
“You don’t have to say it back,” I amend quickly. “I don’t care what you feel for me. But I love you. And I’d rather lose my friendship with your brother than lose you.”
Elise gathers herself with a shake of her head. “You would do that for me? Seriously?”
Feeling an odd combination of grimness and elation, I nod. “I hope it never comes to that, but if it comes down to it… I know what choice I’ll make. All I can do is pray that Andries never tries to force that decision on me, but…” I trail off.
She exhales, turning around in a flash of fabric and pacing the length of her suite, unable to stand still and hold onto the confession I’ve just let out into the world. “Dan, I don’t want to hurt you,” she pleas, stopping in her tracks and holding her hands out to me in supplication.
“What do you mean?”
“I like you, but…” Her eyes flutter closed.
“El,” I step forward and take her out-held hands, brushing my lips over both sets of her knuckles. She opens her beautiful eyes, and it feels like she’s staring into my soul. “I’m okay with that. I don’t need you to love me back, I just…” I pause, my heart thundering hard inside my chest. “I just want to continue whatever is going on between us.”
“What if one day I want to stop?” she asks, her voice nearly quivering at the end. “Are you going to seek out revenge or something?”
