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I try to speak, but nothing comes out. I lick my lips, swallow, and try again. Still… nothing. I’m so anxious that the words seem to be trapped in my throat, and try as I might, I can’t unstick them. If I ask her this, then there is no turning back. Soon I will have to come clean to my parents and sister, and deal with whatever they throw at me. One look at my Roxanne, though, lets me know I’m making the right choice. She’s more than worth it.
“What are your views on marriage?” I manage to choke out.
Roxie sucks in a breath, surprised. “Marriage?” she squeaks. “Well, um, I don’t know. I never thought about it before.”
“But what are your views?” I ask again, feeling the pressure mounting by the second.
“I think it’s a beautiful and very noble commitment,” she says nervously. “What about you?”
I clear my throat, and to my horror, I can feel a blush running up my neck. “Actually, I, um… I like the idea of being married to you.”
“Oh,” she gasps. “Have you been thinking about it?”
“A bit, yeah. I know my parents would kill me if we got married, especially if we were to elope, but…” I reach over, brushing a strand of blond hair behind her delicate ear. “It’s a risk worth taking.”
Roxie grasps my hand when I finish tucking her hair away, kissing my palm before lacing our fingers together. She looks like she’s just been told something profound, something she never thought to hear with her own two ears.
“That changes my perspective on a lot of things,” she admits quietly. “If you’re willing to risk your relationship with your family for me, then… yeah. It really changes my perspective.”
“Come here,” I tell her, my voice husky. She does as I say, folding her legs as she sits on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck. She smells like sunshine and night-blooming jasmine.“One thing I can tell you, Roxie, is you’ll never regret selling the agency.”
She searches my eyes with hers, and in slow motion, she lowers her mouth to mine. We kiss slowly, exploring each other’s mouths at leisure, tongues dancing across teeth, until we both pull away breathless.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Sure,” I say.
She nuzzles her nose against mine, kissing the corner of my lips and whispering against my skin. “Can you spend the night here?”
31
Amsterdam, March 10, 2022
Roxanne
Despite being in my office,I find myself constantly drifting in my thoughts to moments I’ve had with Andries, causing my heart to race in excitement and pleasure. There have been times when I try to analyze and understand how deep his roots have been planted in me, still a little puzzled how I became so attached to him. One thing is certain, he has made me a changed woman, taking his rightful place over what meant the most to me—my agency. The thought of another chance with him is overwhelming and I’m not quite sure if it was happiness or peace or a combination of both when we had come to the conclusion that being together would require compromise from the both of us—from him by being openly with me no matter what his family thinks, and from me by distancing myself from the business that has been the source of our separation in the first place. But I must say I was quite surprised at him talking about marriage.
After all, Andries knows the implications of our age gap. Not only this but my unwavering position on the matter of marriageis making me drown in an infinite abyss of thoughts. It’s scary, maybe a bit crazy, to think about walking the aisle to him. His fearlessness and willingness to overlook how this will tarnish his family’s image goes beyond anything I had thought.
Sitting up in my office and interlocking my fingers on the desk, I wonder if marriage would be a stretch above my expectations. Of course, I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I haven’t considered the reality of becoming wedded to him. And I think it makes sense that he has decided to bring it up of his own volition. If it had been based on my desperation to be eternally entwined with him, I’d have mingled with a bit of guilt. I love him, of course, but maybe I’m a bit more realistic with my expectation, unlike his. Maybe I’ve been afraid of losing my agency because of the prospect of losing Andries in the future. There would always be some new troubles in the offing, but marriage, I believe, definitely gives some assurances. It gives clarity and indicates an unmistakable willingness to interminably pursue his love for me.
“I like the idea of being married to you.”
Thinking about his comment about marriage brings a smile to my face; I’ve been many things, but becoming huddled up with him in a passionate, longstanding marriage ranks above everything I’d have achieved. And it isn’t just considering my marriage to him, it’s mostly about the standards and traditions we’d be defying. I’d actually be with a man willing to go against his powerful family to be married to me. It gets crazier every time I think about it. And it reinforces my desire to abandon my role in the escort industry. It now makes more sense to make such a sacrifice considering the things Andries intends to barter for my sake—his entire life.
A knock comes at the door of my office, jolting me from my introspection. I turn to the door, wearing a smile on myface. The thought of becoming his wife adds a sparkle to my responsiveness to the day.
Poppy looks slightly nervous, though, clasping her hands behind her as she walks into my office. She swivels left and right, heaving a heavy sigh.
“Karl is outside with his lawyers. He really wants to see you,” she informs me in a soft, calm voice.
I’m actually not surprised about her announcement. I knew sooner or later Karl would come to my office for yet another face-to-face. “Let them in.”
I sit back in the chair, keeping a clear head. Moments later, Karl walks in, obviously exasperated. He has a miserable look, losing the shine that previously announced his appearances.
“Did you see the interview? Did you see what that silly girl did on TV?” he asks, storming into my office like it belongs to him. “Aren’t you supposed to have an agreement with your girls to keep their dealings private?” He presses his hands against my desk, leaning forward. He’s sniffling, heartbroken, and distraught. His lawyers drop down in the adjoined chairs overlooking my position.
“You broke the agreement, Karl. You made the situation difficult to control,” I reply.
