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Before letting any uncomfortable silence to settle in, I lead him back into the living. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Whatever you are drinking,” he answers, his tone even.
While Andries sits on the couch, I head to the kitchen and pour us both a glass of chilled white wine and bring it to the living room with me. He takes it graciously, reclining on the couch with a sigh.
“Long day?” I ask, sinking down on the sofa next to him and braving a quick kiss on his temple. He doesn’t object, just smiles warmly.
“It was longer once I knew I was seeing you this evening,” he says, causing my heart to flutter in response. “Despite having a few interesting classes, the day seemed to drag on and on.”
“It was the same for me,” I confess, taking a sip of my wine. “I was so distracted at work that I took a half day instead. I think my assistant was actually glad to be rid of my nervous energy.”
His face darkens at the mention of my job, but as much as I change the subject, it isn’t something we can really avoid. Andries, though, has other plans, asking questions about the penthouse.
“I can’t get over how much this space suits you. You know, you really have an eye for design. I can’t believe we spent all that time in my cold, boring apartment when we could have been here.”
“This isn’t the kind of place a librarian can afford, though,” I tell him, sounding more nostalgic than I wanted. “I knew you’d have found it suspicious and most likely you’d have asked me how I could afford it,” I blurt out, and he tenses once more. I want to attack the subject of my escort business and be done with it, but I also don’t want to ruin the night.
“Speaking of which,” he says stiffly. “Do you want to share with me how everything started? Like how you got into… that line of work?”
My eyes widen in shock at his question. “Do you really want to know?” I ask, surprised. “Like, for real?”
“Sort of,” he admits. “This is such a big part of your life that I know nothing about.”
“Fine,” I take a hefty drink and exhale. Then I tuck my legs under myself, getting comfortable for the long story ahead. It feels bizarre to actually be talking about this with him now, afterhiding that part of my life for so long, but I know we need a clean slate. I’m fine with that if it’ll help him forgive me.
So that’s where I start; my beginning as an escort. “As you know, I’ve never been wealthy. Money had been beyond tight, especially when I went to college. Karl was my first client; I met him at a bar, and he offered me money to go on a date with him. He was younger at the time, so the age gap wasn’t so startlingly obvious. His pockets were deep, and he always took me along to all the events that his lifestyle afforded him. During the hours I spent with him I would rise high above my station, and when it was over, I was quite a bit richer for it.”
Andries listens carefully, but I still feel like there’s no way for him to understand the lack of money; not with the way he grew up, and still lives, for that matter. It’s so frustrating to think that if I could just get that point through his head that he’d finally see why I lived my life the way I did. Maybe that ability to see things from the perspective of others would come with age. He’s a caring, empathic man, but I can’t forget how young he still is. He has a lot of learning to do still. “And while escorting was never supposed to be a permanent solution to my problems, the money was too great that I got immediately addicted in a way. The work ranged from mediocre to awful, but I was able to fund a better life for Mama and Lili.”
I explain how, once I graduated, I took an internship at a big-name publishing house, letting escorting fade into my past. It was supposed to be the defining moment that jump started my career, but to my horror, I found that the pay didn’t even allow me to cover rent and food.
“Karl hired me the very evening I quit my job,” I tell Andries. If we want a clean start, then I suppose he needs to know the impact that man had on my life. “He sent a tailored Dior gown and a pair of Jimmy Choo pumps directly to my door a few hours before. He wanted me to look my best, and he insisted I keepthe dress once the night was over. It cemented my opinion that escorting was the right path for me during that point in my life.”
“So why did you start an agency?” he asks, sounding attentive and curious.
“My bank account and my schedule grew and grew throughout my twenties, but as thirty rapidly approached, I started to feel tired of escorting and I wanted to eventually retire. That’s when I decided to start the agency, keeping only my three best clients on my personal schedule. The rest of the time, I hired girls to work for me, and organized work for them, taking a cut for myself. It seemed that working on the front lines had made me especially suited for managing such a business, and it flourished.” I pause, noticing how his gaze drops for a moment as he processes everything I just said. “There was one thing that always ate at me, though, and it was that from the moment Mama discovered what I did for a living, she stopped talking to me. I miss her more than anything in the world, and while our relationship is finally starting to heal, I want it to be faster. I want my mom back in my life.”
Escorting had saved me, but it had also taken from me. It had taken my mother, and more recently, taken Andries from me. That, and my own lies.
Once I’m done, we both sit in the pressing silence with each other, my history spilled out before us like a tapestry to be examined. Andries looks conflicted, like he’s having trouble swallowing what I’ve said, but eventually he nods once.
“Thank you for being so honest with me. I know it wasn’t easy to talk about your past like that.” He gives another gulp while considering me. “I need to be honest with you, though,” his tone has become more serious and my heart skips a beat in anticipation for his next set of words. “I’m still uncomfortable with you being in the industry. I don’t think anything can changethat, but my thoughts are clearer now that I know the entire truth.”
“What will you do now?” I ask, voice quivering with nerves.
“I don’t know if I’m being honest. I have such a strong moral objection with sex work that it’s hard for me to come to terms with someone I love being involved in it.”
“Andries… It’s valid for you to not want to be with a sex worker, but why are you so vehemently opposed to it as a profession overall?”
“It’s a long story,” he exhales through his nose, sinking further into the couch. “I spent some time in Medellín, Colombia, and while I was never a fan of that industry, living there truly cemented my dislike for it. Women lined the streets both day and night, selling their bodies just to feed their families. The worst part was…” He clenches his jaw for a moment, as if he’s reliving something almost too painful to name. “The worst part was the mothers that were out there selling their daughter’s virginities to the highest bidder, as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Just business as usual. Most of them weren’t even eighteen. It was disgusting, devastating….”
Shocked, I can’t help but say, “That’s why you had such a problem with the Patricia situation?”
He ignores me and keeps speaking. I wonder if he’s afraid that if he stops, he won't be able to finish. “I bought food for dozens of them, night after night, just so they could go home to their families and not stand out there on the street corner. The misery was emotionally ruining me, and I had to leave. I went to Tibet and spent the rest of my year there.”
“That clears things up a lot, and I’m sorry you had to go through that. It isn’t the same as what’s going on here, where it’s legal and regulated, but I can understand that it’s too close for comfort.” I try to come off as comforting, knowing that whathe’s just shared is hurting him. I feel a flush of affection when he reaches over and squeezes my hand in his in response.
With my heart full, I decide to tell him something I never did before. “I know we didn’t start out in the best of circumstances, but I really think there is something special between us.” I pause, observing the small smile playing at the corner of his lips. “And I want you to know that I’ll do anything to assure we can have a future together.”
