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“He did,” Alex responds, nonplussed. He notices me watching him, because I’m afraid he’s going to call me a moron any moment or tell me how disgusting Roxanne’s career is. Instead, Alex holds up his hands in front of him. “Hey, I don’t care if she was a former escort or whatever. I care about you and your happiness.”
I snort, but secretly I’m relieved to have someone in my corner. “You might be the only one in the family who feels that way.”
“It’s true. We might not see each other much, but I do want you to be happy and healthy, Andries. Which brings me to your, um, drinking habits…”
This time I motion for him to stop. “It was just at the beginning, after our breakup.”
“A one-time coping habit can rapidly become a real habit,” Alex points out. “Are you staying busy, so you don’t dwell on this breakup? Roxanne seems to be occupying a lot of your mind, according to everyone in your family.”
“Yes, I swear. Next week I will move to my new place and I’m even working on a memoir.” It’s a fancier way of saying it’s a simple diary, but it’s probably not necessary to dress it up for Alex. Something about the way he talks to me makes me feel like he doesn’t judge me nearly as much as other family members.
Once we’re done with the immersive part of the museum, we enter into the normal portion, passing numerous self- portraits of Van Gogh himself.
Maybe it’s the tortured facade of the long dead, hopeless romantic artist that prompts Alex to ask, “Do you miss her?”
His question catches me by surprise, and I’m not sure what to make out of it. I start to lie but remember what I just told myself. Alex won’t judge me, and it’d be nice to be real with someone for once. “Of course, I do,” I sigh. “I thought what we had was… you know…”
“Forever?” he asks, still facing the wall of paintings.
I nod, speechless, and slightly embarrassed at the thought of it. Forever with an escort, what’s wrong with me?
Alex isn’t done, though. He continues to press. “And her? Did she think the same?”
“I think so,” I sigh. “We were practically living together at my condo. It was all moving so fast, but we fit together so perfectly I hardly even noticed. When we broke up I had to pack up all her belongings and it was… painful to say the least.”
We walk without speaking for some time more, all the while Roxanne and my love for her at the forefront of my mind. I think about her sleeping in my bed, waking and making us coffee in nothing but one of my shirts… and then I think of her betrayal, the humiliated rage on her face when I confronted her about her lie.
The taste of her. The sounds she made when I kissed her.
Alex startles me out of my self-indulgent pity party. “Your parents are gonna kill me for telling you this but…” he hesitates,rolling his eyes to the ceiling as if he still isn’t sure he’s saying the right thing. “Do you think giving her a second chance is totally out of the equation?”
My mouth falls open in shock. “Are you serious? She… she lied to me about her entire identity. Roxanne was selling sex during the day and then coming back to sleep beside me like it was no big deal.”
“Maybe because she knew you would break up with her.” He shrugs.
“Why are you taking her side all of a sudden?” I press, my eyes on his face.
“Because… as horrible as it seems, sometimes people lie when they are afraid of disappointing or losing the ones they love.” Alex’s tone is even and sure.
His words resonate through me, and I can’t help but think about my English program and the fact I haven’t told my parents about it. Does it make me a hypocrite to hate Roxanne for doing something similar? Her sins are much worse than mine, but still…. “Speaking from experience?” I ask, trying to turn the subject away from myself.
“Indeed,” he admits readily. “And I was lucky enough to have someone who gave me a second chance.”
“What do you mean?” I try to query, but my uncle just pats me on the back before leaving my side. I want to yell his name and make him explain how I was supposed to fix all of this while still sticking to my moral code, but he is walking toward his wife who has been standing in front of another piece of artwork for the last five minutes.
I stare at the four of them, and the easy, joyful love between them. I feel like Roxanne has cheated me out of that same kind of love, because she sold herself to me as someone she wasn’t. Now, I stand here still in love with a person that isn’t real, while a madam walks around wearing her face.
Even still, I want her back. I let Alex’s advice roll through my mind, realizing that I would have to be the one to give Roxanne the second chance. Watching my uncle’s family, it almost seems worth it to give in and welcome her back in my life, but there is no way my family would ever accept her now. I’d be a pariah.
Would I be able to live with being a pariah for Roxanne?
I won’t be able to decide this afternoon, or maybe even this week. I need time and space to think. Shedding the worry for the moment, I approach them, greeting the twins with some tickles.
Before we leave, we take some pictures of the five of us, recruiting some other guests to snap the photos while we pose. I get to hold Jasmine and then Jasper and feel the weight of their little frames in my arms. All in all, it’s a good day, and I feel better from it. Uncle Alex has given me so much to ponder and made the inevitability of my decisions all too clear.
“Did you have a nice time?” Mom asks, all but running down the hallway before I can close my bedroom door. She has spotted me, and now there is no escape.
“Actually, yes. The museum is amazing. You should go see it if you haven’t. Goodnight, Mom.”
