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“It’s…well, it’s been awhile,” she points out, her tone making my heart ache even more.
“It has,” I agree, but I need to center myself and keep my focus. “Look, this isn’t the social call you’re hoping it is.”
“Ah.” She doesn’t speak for a second, trying to suss out exactly what my reason for calling is. “Well, go ahead, then.”
“Elise just got a message from a friend of hers about how Patricia has recently joined your team of escorts.”
She huffs. “So? Patricia is an adult, she can make her own decisions, just like every other woman that works for me.”
Upon hearing her answer, I can’t hold my political correctness anymore and unleash immediately. “She just turned eighteen, Roxanne! She’s an adult in the loosest sense of the word. How can you be so immoral as to hire someone like that? You’re putting her in a vulnerable position that she can’t even begin to comprehend!”
“From my perspective, you don’t comprehend it either, Andries. I didn’t seek Patricia out specifically. I put out some feelers for someone that had her specific… attributes, and she was the one who responded. There is never any pressure on my end.”
I scoff at her cold and calculated tone. She’s indeed a perfect madam. “Those attributes being her innocence and virginity, right? You disgust me, even more than the old decrepit man you're forcing this young woman to spend the evening with.”
“What part of ‘no pressure on my end’are you not getting? No one is forcing anyone. Patricia was more than happy to spend time with this ‘old man’ for ten thousand euros. And if you or your nosy sister had actually talked to Patricia, then you probably know that she isn’t even going to sleep with him,” Roxanne spits out.
“There is no way in hell you’re ever going to convince me that this man’s end goal isn’t to fuck Patricia, and you’re just throwing her to the wolves.”
“You’re just too young to understand,” she comments, before chuckling sardonically. “Too young, and too rich. You think I’m dirtying this girl for life, but she thinks I’m providing her with an amazing opportunity to make an enormous amount of money. You just can’t see this through any other lens than the one you were born with.”
“I’m not too young to see that you’re dipping into my sister's pool of friends to find these girls, and that’s a little too close to home for my taste! Why don’t you go back to plucking trash out of the gutter to work for you and leave Elise’s friends alone? Or was this just a tactic to get back at me one more time?”
“Actually, I didn’t know that Patricia was Elise’s friend. I never would have hired her had I known, but she’s already signed the contract, and the gig is tomorrow, so it’s too late to find someone else.” She pauses, considering something for a few seconds. “From now on I’ll look a bit deeper into who I’m hiring and make sure there aren’t any… conflicts of interest, shall we say. That’s all I can offer you at this point, Andries.”
“That’s a lie, because you can call this off at any time, you just don’t want to,” I bite back my more acidic words as they try to spill forward. “You truly are so different from the woman I fell in love with.” My tone comes off more nostalgic than I expected, but I don’t care, and tell her the rest. “The Roxanne I knew was an intellectual. She loved to sit at the bookshop with me and talk about the world, life, and everything in between. What did you even get out of living such a lie? How did you enjoy pretending to be someone else for so long?”
“Not that it matters, but that personisthe real me. Just like this person is now. People have different facets, and they can be more than one thing.” Roxanne sounds exhausted.
“There’s no way the repulsive user of young women is in any way the woman I knew. I refuse to even consider that, but you can continue to lie to yourself if you want to,” I sneer, unable to keep the venom out of my tone any longer. “And to think I spent so much of my time missing you…” I shake my head at my own naiveté. And there I was thinking Roxanne would’ve called this thing off for me. But no—she isn’t gonna do shit. “Well, I’m done here. Goodbye, Roxanne.”
“Andries, wait–” Roxanne starts to plead, but I’ve already hung up the phone.
The cruelest part is, had Roxanne acted horrified and had put things in motion to change the situation, it’d have undoubtedly softened my heart toward her. Instead, she continued to stick hard to the opinion that there is nothing wrong with what she’s doing. It makes me wonder if who I was dating was nothing but a ghost, because at this point, she is basically dead and gone from my life.
I’m still fuming when Dan knocks once before entering the bedroom, looking worried.
“Hey, man. I’m leaving to take Elise home. Is everything okay in here?”
“Fine,” I bite out as I rub my eyes tiredly.
Dan takes a few steps in to get a better look at me, and when he does, he flinches in sympathy. “You don’t look fine. What’s up?”
I take a few deep breaths, before telling him the truth. “I’m just so disgusted by the situation with Patricia. I called Roxanne to get the truth about it, hoping I was wrong about something, but all she did was double down and confirm everything I feared. I can’t seem to escape her, Dan, and the horrible things she does with her life continue to taint mine.”
Dan sighs in annoyance, crossing his arms. “Man, why do you even care so much about what these girls do in their sparetime? It’s really none of our business unless we’re dating them. Patricia made a choice of her own accord, and it shouldn’t matter what people like her do in private. You need to just let it go. It’s fine to disapprove of something in your own life and not partake in it, like sex work, but nothing will ever come of judging other people for the way they want to live their lives and make their money.”
“Money, money, money,” I repeat, growing tired of the same shitty argument as I leave the bed and walk toward him. “Isn’t that all it comes down to, time and time again? No, wait. This is Amsterdam, so it’s money, sex, and drugs,” I scoff. “The longer I live here, Dan, the more I lose faith in humanity.”
Dan rolls his eyes, which hurts me a bit. It feels like he’s dismissing what’s bothering me, but as someone who approves of debauchery like what Roxanne does, it’s not a surprise.
“The brooding poet is at it again I see.” He chuckles, shaking his head in disapproval. “I’m out of here. Elise is ready to go. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I ignore him, and before long, I hear the door shut as he and my sister depart. The apartment is eerily silent, and I’m left with nothing but my own racing thoughts, and the disbelief that I had once loved someone who could act so callously without even thinking twice.
Out of options, I sit down on the bed and try to write again. The words come, stilted and rough, but at least it isn’t a blank page.
13
