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He strokes a big hand along the back of my head. “I can hear you in my dreams. Remember?”
I burrow tighter against him. “Of course I do.”
Though our time in hell did give me one of the best dreams of my life, the blissful escape ended as a nightmare. I’ll never forget how Hades basked in his victory over us, taking advantage of our dropped defenses to barge into Maximus’s head once again—and, to an extent, mine.
“But you weren’t thinking about that just now,” he ventures quietly.
I trace a finger into the shallow valley between his pectorals. “You know me well.”
“And don’t you forget it.” He scrapes his fingertips through my hair. It’s better than any luxury spa treatment I’ve ever had. “So what’s up, little demon? Talk to me.”
I draw air, mentally stripped by the truth in his words and the intensity of his love. I gulp hard while pushing up to one elbow.
“I guess I just have no idea what I’m doing here.”
His hand, now at my nape, tightens by a few degrees. “That makes two of us.”
“I meant figuratively.”
“That still makes two of us.”
“I feel like I shouldknow, though.” I twist a little piece of the sheet around my pinky. I’m very aware that we’re both naked beneath this mochi-soft cotton, but it doesn’t feel right to dole more thoughts about the subject. Not when everything else is still so lopsided and confusing.
“Why?” Maximus asks, which has me wondering if he’s a secret spellcaster too. His adoring baritone has me helpless about denying him an answer.
“Hecate makes it seem like I deserve a place here. Even the special treatment too.”
“But?”
I expect this question from him and am even thankful for it, but it doesn’t make my new confession any easier. “But I’m not like any of…them.”
He blinks. The outer edges of his gaze cloud over. “I’m not following.”
A beat passes, in which I almost expect him to add a commandingMiss Valari. I almost beg for it. A return to the way we used to be, just a professor and the student instacrushing on him, trying to hide an overwhelming attraction. But not just from everyone on campus. Even back then, we faced complications. Lots of them. So why did everything still seem simpler?
“I don’t think that’s completely true,” I finally chide back. “You knew every single one of those women from the moment Hecate introduced us to them. Morgana le Fay? Marie Laveau? Circe herself? They’rereal, which means all or some of their feats must be as well.”
“Neither of us knew Kiama or Liseli,” he counters.
“Which doesn’t mean they don’t have the credentials. Only that their stories haven’t become legends yet.” I raise my free hand and curl my fingertips into his beard. “Stories I can’t begin to compete with.”
Maximus folds his long fingers around my loose fist. “Maybe notyet. But first of all, who said this was a competition? And secondly, I’d say that freeing three people from the center of hell is an incredible way to prove your magical credibility.”
“Credibility as good as shape-shifting and teleportation? Healing the sick? Channeling the dead?”
“Powers that led all of them into some dark mental places, if I’m recalling the histories correctly. If so, that means maybe Hecate is right.Enlightenmentmight be the best way to describe what you need right now.”
He draws a breath as if to say more, but I watch as he refrains. Doesn’t matter. It’s the same subject on my mind.What I need right now…for what?There’s no denying the underlying urgency to all Hecate’s actions since last night. Even when she exhorted us to rest, she referenced the process like we had to get our cuticles cleared or our passports updated. A necessary evil in order to move on with the important stuff.
Stuff I can’t begin to comprehend. And not sure I want to.
I know—well, hope—those feelings will change. But for now…
“I get all of that. And I hear it, Maximus…”
“But?”
His repetition, tinged with a gentle tease, doesn’t get him another smile. I try, but it’s simply not there now. “I don’t understand why I’m so scared about it.”
