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“I won’t.”
“It’s for Charlotte,” she said, anyway, as though he hadn’t spoken. “And I don’t want – we shouldn’t,” Abby sucked in a deep breath. He wondered if she had any idea how adorable she was when she was flummoxed.
Adorable?He dismissed the adjective. A woman who could keep a baby from its father wasnotadorable.
“Last night was a mistake.” She kept her hands pressed to Charlotte’s tummy but turned to face Gray. This time, her eyes found his and locked to them, her expression carefully neutral. “It won’t happen again.”
His gut twisted at the certainty in her words. He wanted to argue with her. He wanted to tell her she was being ridiculous, that sex between them was too fantastic to walk away from, but what he wanted, most of all, was to have them living under one roof. Charlotte was his daughter, and it was time she came home.
“If that’s what you want,” he agreed, without giving his own commitment on that front. He was a realist, and the chemistry between them was going to be hard to ignore – it always had been.
“It is,” she furrowed her brow. “I can’t…” she flicked a nervous glance at Charlotte then lowered her voice. “I understand why you feel the way you do. You’re angry with me, and maybe you even hate me. I can’t sleep with you under those circumstances.” She tilted her chin in an act of self-defiance. “I think it’s best if we just live as roommates.”
Every cell in his body itched to defy that, but at the same time, he shrugged his broad shoulders.
She bit down on her lip. He could see how enormous this was for her – for both of them. Neither would have chosen this marriage if it weren’t for Charlotte. But she was lying there, smiling up at the mother she obviously adored, a mother who was clearly excellent at that role. There was no way Grayson wanted to interfere with their relationship, nor to limit their time together. He wanted to be an active dad to Charlotte, but he didn’t want to deny her time with her mother, either. Their marriage would need to strike a delicate balance.
“Last night wasn’t a mistake.” His voice was graveled, stretching the air between them. “It was bloody amazing, actually.” Startled and flushed, she assiduously avoided his eyes. “And I don’t think it’s realistic to ignore what happens when we’re together. Desire isn’t something you can tame.” Or they wouldn’t be in this position. If he’d been able to walk away from his physical need for Abby, he’d have kept their affair brief, to avoid any possibility of complication.
“I don’t want to sleep with you again.”
“We both know that’s a lie.” He crossed his arms over his broad chest, the movement thickening the blood in his veins, adding an echo chamber for a heart that was beating too hard and fast.
She was silent and he got it. She didn’t want to dig deeper into the lie, but nor could she admit what was going on between them.
“At some point, you’ll be honest with yourself and admit you want me as much as I want you. At some point you’ll acknowledge we can’t be in the same room – or damned alley – without wanting to tear one another’s clothes off. And that’s okay. Sex is a normal, biological function. I don’t see any problem with us indulging it. But what I care about, is that you understand that sex doesn’t change anything. It could be easy to confuse it with something more, and that’s just not going to happen.”
She snorted, quickly smothering whatever she’d been about to say by instead lifting their daughter and nuzzling into her neck.
“You think I’d be stupid enough to develop feelings for you again?”
He’dknownshe was starting to like him too much—that’s why he ended it. But not soon enough. He’d been selfish. He’d wanted her. Too much, too often. So he’d delayed.Just one more night. I’ll deal with it in the morning.How many times had he promised himself that? Still, hearing her say it was a confirmation he didn’t want.
“I never wanted you to care about me.”
She pressed a kiss to Charlotte’s forehead and stood, using the opportunity to turn her back on him. “I know.” She placed their daughter down near some old timber blocks. “I was naïve. I didn’t understand, but I do now. I’ll never feel that way about you again. I promise you that, with my whole heart.”
Chapter9
ABBY STARED AT THE toys with a sense of bewilderment. Somehow, between discovering he was a father and now, Gray had essentially established a satellite FAO Schwarz store, right here in his penthouse.
And she couldn’t be sure, because she’d never explored his penthouse fully, but she was pretty sure two bedrooms had been opened out to form one huge room, big enough for a massive play space, a bed and two armchairs. There were books upon books on low shelves, with a soft little chair, just for Charlotte. It was a little girl’s dream. Or anyone’s dream, to be honest.
But the realization of how much she’d been struggling hit Abby right between the eyes, then lodged deep in her soul.
“Wow,” Charlotte’s little voice caught at Abby’s heart. She forced a smile to her face and looked down at their daughter, nodding slowly.
“That’s just what I was thinking.” She didn’t look at Grayson, which unfortunately didn’t mean she wasn’t completely aware of him. She had been all morning.All morning. And she hated it. It was as though her body was working against her, drawing her to someone she knew she shouldn’t – couldn’t – want.
She put it down to the heightened emotion of bringing their family together, but deep down she knew it was just their off the charts chemistry. It had sparked between them from the minute they met, and she wasn’t sure it would ever stop. But it wasn’t enough. She couldn’t sleep with a man who didn’t even like her. And didsheeven like him?
In all the angsting over whether or not she’d done the right thing about Charlotte, she’d almost lost sight of the reasons behind her decision.
He’d left her.
He’d dumped her and walked out, leaving her in no doubt that she was expendable in his life. He’d outright stated that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, that they’d just been having sex. Every shared laugh, story she’d told, bond she felt they’d made, had been nothing to him.
And then, he’d said he never wanted children, and Abby had known it was fruitless to argue, because she’d always know that being a mom was a powerful part of what she saw in her own future. People didn’t tend to change their mind on that issue.
