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“I don't know, mom,” I say, softly.
“What do you mean?” She asks.
I refuse to look up this time, keeping my eyes on the plate of half-eaten pasta. “Whatever it is that is going on between me and Sebastian.”
“Oh... That's his name?”
“Yes. He has a little nine-year-old girl. Her name is Callie. She's autistic. I am her nanny.” I inform them.
“That's great,” Mom says, sounding a little weird, as if I've pushed too much information upon her and she's trying to grapple with it. I can't help but feel like she's trying to find the silver lining in this dark cloud of information I have thrust upon her.
“How's the little girl?” Dad asks, his voice a little gruff.
“She's great.”
I want to tell mom that she reminds me of my brother, but I don't. I don't want to ruin their mood with the memory of my little brother. Their son.
“So, you're dating this—Sebastian?” Mother inquires, perplexed.
I hesitate because I don't know what the hell I've been doing with Sebastian. Okay, I know what I've been doing beneath the sheets with him, but I am not sure how I can spell it out for my parents. They are still looking at me curiously.
I shrug. Mom's eyes widen.
“You're not dating? Are you both just, um, how do you millennials call it these days, hooking up?”
I blush hard and look away.
“It's not just sex for me,” I inform them, looking them directly in the eyes for the first time that evening. “I think I might be falling in love with him.”
Mom gazes at me thoughtfully.
“Do you love him?”
I have to confide in them.
“He's trying so hard to be a great father. He's learning the ropes, and I feel like with my help, he’s been able to improve so much.”
“That's nice to hear,” Mom says sincerely.
“But does he love you back?” Dad asks.
The question pierces me hard, and I look away.
“I am not sure yet. I have only recently realized my feelings for him.” I tell him honestly.
Dad shakes his head.
“I don't want to see you get hurt.”
“Sebastian will not hurt me,” I tell them.
Even though I try to reassure them with a smile, I wonder just how well I believe my own words.
* * *
Sebastian
Paislee has been staying at my home for the past three weeks now. I can honestly say they have been the most memorable weeks of my life. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I was on an adventure. But with her, I truly feel that way. I feel like she is constantly taking me on a wild ride I didn't know I wanted to embark on. She has made me feel something I haven't felt in years. Alive.
