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Damn it, I wasn’t even paying attention when Cass opened her gift.
“I’m glad you like them.”
I can’t even tell if she likes them, because all her attention is focused on me instead of the open box in her hands.
“Of course I do.”
She must see how much pain I’m in right now because she walks over and hugs me again. “Are you okay?” she whispers.
I nod, because if she asks me again, I might not be able to hold back the tears that feel too close to the surface. I don’t want Amber and Lucas to see my pain over Ben.
When she finally disengages, another awkward silence descends. This group of people were happy before Ben and I got here, but now they’re all looking nervous. The girl and guy I don’t know make an excuse and leave the kitchen. I feel as though I should do the same, but I don’t really know anyone else at the party well enough. Sure, I could chat to some of my old high school crowd, but considering I was never a joiner back then—and still am not one now—I don’t really know what to say to them other than, “Hey, do you remember Ms Lewesky, the science teacher who burnt off all her hair with a Bunsen burner?”
Hardly riveting party conversation.
“How’s your latest book coming along?” Amber asks me.
“And what are you writing about?” Lucas asks.
Lucas and Amber always liked listening to me talk about my books. It feels strange, however, to have them ask me now. It’s like nothing has changed, yet everything is different. Moreover, Amber and Ben are the inspiration for the latest novel I’m working on, and this is something I don’t want to share. Since I have to say something, I give them a basic run-down of the book I started writing months ago, the one I’m currently editing at my editor’s request.
I stick to character growth arcs and driving tensions rather than delving into too much detail. Disturbingly, the more I talk about the book, the more the storyline reminds me of the situation with the four of us; Amber, Ben, Lucas, and I. Lucas being the ex, and Ben closely resembling Blaze. In that book, however, Blaze gets over his ex. Only because the editor insisted on it, though.
“That’s awesome, Lainey,” Lucas says when I finish talking. “Cass, I think more shots are to celebrate Lainey’s success. And your birthday, of course.”
I don’t really need to ‘celebrate’ my success tonight. The last thing I feel is successful, but I’m glad Lucas has called for shots. I’m desperately in need of one.
Or a hundred.
Is Ben planning on coming back at all, or is he going to avoid Amber and Lucas all night, thereby avoiding me as well? I know he was upset with me earlier for not sharing what was on my mind, and I know seeing Amber with Lucas must have been agony for him, but shouldn’t he want to stand by my side as my friend? Weren’t we friends first, before we started sleeping together? Doesn’t he want to support me the same way I want to support him?
So much for my dream of looking so hot Ben wouldn’t be able to keep his eyes off me.
After knocking back three tequila shots, I feel ready to search for Ben, tell him off for leaving me alone, make sure he’s okay, and then see how quickly he wants to get out of here so we can talk about ending things.
When I see him standing there in Cass’s hallway, however, his hand braced against the wall and his body trapping one of Cass’s actress friends against the wall as he laughs and flirts with her, my plan goes out the window.
My skin feels hot and my chest feels tight as I stare at them. A shot of adrenaline surges through me, preparing me for battle. I want to walk up to him, slap him, and tell him he’s an arsehole. At the same time, I want to do what Cass did to those girls two weeks ago; the ones eyeing up Duncan and Ben at the restaurant. I want to stake my claim on him and let the woman he’s talking to know he’s mine. But how can I when I’m not even his girlfriend? He promised he wouldn’t screw around, but only until we were done with the arrangement.
It seems as if he’s done with it as he reaches out and caresses the arm of the beautiful woman in front of him. I might have been about to end our sexual relationship, but I planned to do it to his face. Seeing him like that with her, before he’s spoken to me, feels like the deepest betrayal—of me, and of our friendship.
Emotion clogs my throat and tears prick the backs of my eyes. I have to end everything with Ben. Not just our sexual relationship. Everything. The thought of losing Ben as my friend and lover makes breathing near impossible, but it’s not going to stop me from making the right choice for myself.
Seeing him with another woman hurts too much, and I don’t want to feel this way again. I deserve better. Ironically, it’s Ben who taught me that.
Eyes blurring, I swallow and step straight back into a hard body that smells familiar.
Lucas’s face is a blur as I whirl around and face him. “Whoa,” he says. “Are you okay?”
“Where’s your girlfriend?”
“She’s in the kitchen, talking to Cass.”
Of course she is. Cass is the person I need right now and she’s busy. With Amber. My night is racing downhill.
“Hey,” Lucas says, my vision clearing enough to see his gaze flick from me to Ben and then back to me again. “Let’s go outside and get some fresh air.”
Despite the fact I’m not sure how I feel about going anywhere with Lucas, I follow him. I need to get away from that scene with Ben, and some fresh air sounds good. He takes my arm, and I don’t pull it away.
