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“Where are you going?”
I nearly crumble and sit back in my chair. But then I think of my sister, and the way he was with her, and I force myself to stay strong. “The way you reacted to Tara’s news tonight was disgusting. I thought it was just me you couldn’t stand, but you don’t care about anyone but yourself. Tara deserved better than that from you. I hope you get your act together before you’re cut out of her life and miss out on everything she just offered you.”
“If that’s how you feel, you can leave, too.”
“I will. I am.”
I want to see my sister before she takes off. I can’t find the front door fast enough. My father and stepmother’s home has always made me feel claustrophobic, but it’s worse than usual tonight.
“Tara,” I call, walking out of the house and coming to a stop when I see Simon, Tara, and Elkie standing by Simon’s car.
“I’m sorry,” Tara says to me. “I didn’t think tonight would go quite that badly.”
“I’m sorry Dad acted that way. I never thought he’d suggest...”
“Well,” she rubs her stomach. “It’s his loss, not mine.”
I look into my sister’s green eyes and wonder how she got so smart. Not just book-smart, but life smart, too. I’ve never allowed myself to get close to Tara because I’ve always looked at her and seen the person I could never be instead of seeing my sister. I put walls between us to protect myself. But now I feel like I robbed myself of a relationship that might have been good for me. I want to get to know her. And I want to be the best auntie I can be. “You should come over for dinner sometime.” I look at Simon pointedly and then back at Tara. “Both of you.”
Tara’s whole face lights up. “We’d love to.”
Elkie reaches out and touches her daughter’s arm. “It’s going to rain. Perhaps you should try to get home before it starts.”
“Don’t go getting all overprotective on me, Mum.”
My stepmother appears close to tears. “I’d hate to miss out on the opportunity to meet my grandchild.”
“That’s not going to happen,” Tara assures her. “If Dad doesn’t want to be a part of his grandchild’s life, that’s his choice. I won’t punish you for it.”
Tara hugs her mother and then puts her arms around me. “I’ll see you soon.”
“You will.”
Elkie and I watch in silence as Simon and Tara climb inside their car and drive off. Eventually, Elkie looks at me. “Are you coming back inside?”
“No, I’m off. Can you please tell Dad that if he wants to talk to me, he knows where he can find me?”
She nods, and I’m about to leave when she takes my hand in hers. “You take care, too, Lainey.”
I smile and nod. “Thanks. You as well.”
As I get in my car, I feel a mixture of emotions. On one hand, I feel a certain amount of grief over letting go of my relationship with my father the way I just did. On the other hand, I feel good that I’ve made an attempt to connect with my sister and support her.
My sister is happy and that’s what matters—it’s what should matter. Lately, I keep coming back to the comment Ben made a while ago about living the life I want to live and making myself happy. It’s time to take a page out of his book, and my sister’s book, too, for that matter, and put myself first—discover what I want and need and take care of myself.
***
A few days after thedinner with Tara and my father, I decide to take myself out to dinner and a movie. Every time I’ve thought about going out by myself before now, I’ve felt a lot of anxiety. I can’t help but feel, though, that the time is right to face my fears. Ben and I have been spending every night together, but he’s been arriving quite late without any explanation. Every night I struggle not to ask where he’s been and what he’s been doing.
And every night, the lines between our friendship and something else blur a little more for me.
So, it’s time to do what I promised I would—remind myself I’m single, acknowledge it, and come to terms with it.
I spend a fair bit of time in front of my bathroom mirror getting ready for my date with me. I put on my favourite emerald dress, one Lucas liked because it complements my eyes. I spray on my favourite perfume and go all out on my make-up.
Finally, I’m ready.
Instead of driving, I take an Uber so I can have a drink. I wince a little at the amount I have to pay, but it’s worth it—I’m worth it. I’m taking myself to one of my favourite restaurants. Months back, Lucas and I went to this Mexican restaurant that I absolutely loved. I haven’t been back since then because I haven’t had a date. Tonight, however, that doesn’t matter. I’m my own date.
