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She shakes her head. “You really are a masochist.”
“In a way. But it makes me happy to write him happy. It just sucks for the other woman who cares about him in the book.”
“Oh, Lainey.” Cass sounds so sad I feel it all the way to my soul.
She embraces me and squeezes me tightly. “I love you, Lainey, and I’m worried about you. I think what you’re doing is crazy, emotional suicide. But whatever I think, I promise I’ll be there for you at the end. No matter what happens.”
Her words mean so much to me that I squeeze her back. “Thank you.”
When we pull apart, I force myself to smile, and Cass looks me over and nods her approval before we walk out of the toilets and back towards where the men are sitting.
I stop still, however, when I realise there are two women standing at our booth, laughing and flirting with Duncan and Ben. The only commitment I have from Ben is that he won’t sleep with another woman while he’s sleeping with me, but I still feel something green and angry slipping through the cracks of my mask and forcing me to take notice.
Cass squeezes my hand gently. “There’s only one way to deal with that.”
I follow her back to the booth and take my seat next to Ben as Cass takes her place next to Duncan.
“Sorry we took so long,” Cass says, before leaning into Duncan and giving him a kiss that Duncan returns with so much enthusiasm I wonder if they’ve forgotten they’re not alone.
When Cass finally lets Duncan go, she offers her empty glass to the two young women still standing at our table. “Would you mind getting me some more water, please?”
“We don’t work here.”
“Then please stop eyeing my man like he’s on the menu and go look for someone who’s available.”
Cass says it so nicely that the girls just scowl. When both women turn their attention on Ben, he puts his arm around my waist and tugs me closer, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. I rest my cheek against his shoulder, but take no comfort from his closeness. I have no right to feel upset about other girls flirting with him. No right to think of him as mine. He’s gorgeous in all his bad boy glory, but he’s not my bad boy.
I close my eyes and feel him stroke my hair. How long can I pretend I wouldn’t jump at the chance of more with this man if he offered?
Not long, I fear. Which is why I need to keep reminding myself that I’m essentially still single. I have to learn to be comfortable with being alone. Getting a handle on that is just as important as working out how to be myself in the company of a man I’m sleeping with.
***
“I’m pregnant.”
Tara wasn’t kidding when she said she was just going to spring the news on Dad. My gaze travels to my father, who has been cool towards my sister and her new man, Simon, since they arrived. Good thing Tara didn’t tell Dad that Simon was once her professor at university. Dinner is frosty enough without having that fact thrown into the mix.
My stepmother, Elkie, lets out a delighted squeal and leaps out of her chair, her model-like elegance and grace all but forgotten in her haste to congratulate her daughter. Meanwhile, my father sits there, eyes bulging and the colour draining from his face.
By the time Elkie sits back down at the table, my father still hasn’t said a word. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him speechless before. Not even when I told him I wasn’t going to pursue medicine.
“Say something, Dad,” Tara encourages him.
He puts his fork down carefully. “How far along are you?”
“Three and a half months.”
The colour rushes back into Dad’s face. “You left it this long to tell me?”
Simon takes my sister’s hand and holds it, giving her his support as he addresses Dad. “We had a couple of concerns during the first trimester. We didn’t want to say anything until we were sure everything was fine.”
Tara smiles. “We just had an ultrasound and everything looks good.”
My father turns to me. “Lainey, did you know about this?”
His tone is stern and his expression unhappy, and I sit there like a deer caught in the headlights.
“I only told her a couple of days back,” Tara jumps in, defending me.
