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“If you’re happy, I’m happy for you,” I say tentatively.
“I am happy.”
“I have to ask, though, what about your Doctor of Medicine?”
“I’m not even sure I want it anymore. I need to focus on this baby, and it’ll be a lot of work. I jumped into medicine because I could and because I knew Dad wanted me to. But it’s my life, you know. I owe it to myself to figure out if it’s what I want.”
She’s three years younger than I am and yet she’s already understanding the fundamental lesson Ben is trying to teach me—that it’s better to live life on your own terms than someone else’s.
“Have you told Dad yet?” I ask.
“No. Actually, that’s another reason why I’m here.” My sister locks eyes with me. “I was hoping you’ll be there with me when I do. I’m bringing Simon to dinner on Sunday night and I want you to meet him.”
“You’re springing it all on Dad at once?”
“He knows Kevin and I broke up and that I’m bringing a new man to dinner to meet him, but he doesn’t know the rest. He’ll either be happy for me, or he won’t be. But I’m going to give him the choice.”
“And if he’s not happy?”
Her smile slips and she puts her hand on her stomach. “I’ll deal with it. Some things matter more, you know?”
“Yeah...”
My mobile phone, which is sitting on the bench between us, starts ringing and my breath comes out in a rush and my heart starts beating much harder when I see it’s Ben.
“Just give me a second. I’ll be right back,” I say to my sister before sliding off my stool, walking into the lounge and answering the call. “Hi.”
“Hey, how’s it going?”
God, just a few casual words from him and my stomach starts trying out for the Olympics gymnastics team.
“My sister is here, actually.” I’m desperate to tell Ben more about Tara’s visit, but it can wait until I see him. “What about you?”
“Lunch break. I was just checking to make sure you got my message.”
Here it goes. My heart is beating so hard and so fast now, I don’t know how I’m going to survive this conversation.
“Yes, I got it. You can’t get the system in until Wednesday.”
“So, you’ll stay with me until then.”
I’m not sure if he’s asking or stating a fact. Maybe two more nights in bed together is nothing to him, but I want those two extra nights with him more than anything. That’s the problem. I shouldn’t want to be with him, my friend, as badly as I do.
“Ben...”
“I want you again,” he growls. “This morning was...”
Quick and yet painfully beautiful for me.
“I know, but...”
“It’s just two more days, Lainey. I need to know you’re safe.”
Why does he have to sound so protective? And how am I supposed to say no when I want him as much as he wants me? When he’s trying to keep me safe? I know I’m only going to grow more attached to him with the time we spend together, yet the word ‘no’ remains elusive to me.
I glance back to the kitchen, to my sister sitting at the bench. She’s the smart one in our family, and she understands it’s more important to live a life that makes her happy than to please someone else. I’m still learning, and spending time with Ben is helping. He’s the man I can be myself with—the man who gets me. Two more nights together will mean more time to practice not changing for the man I’m sleeping with.
“Okay,” I say, breathless and a little dizzy with anticipation. “I’ll stay until Wednesday.”
“Good.” His voice is soft and I can hear he’s smiling.
This is dangerous, my brain screams. But I ignore it. It’s just two more days. Just two more days until we stop and I go back to trying to see him as my friend. And if I keep in mind that I’m learning and practicing being myself with someone I have no future with, I can’t get in any deeper, can I?
