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Lainey
13 months later...
“I’m done.”
Ben’s words are punctuated by the crack of a ball hitting pins and a shout of triumph. Any other night, I’d be looking around for the bowling lane where the action is, but Ben’s two simple words have me paralysed. The surrounding activity is a colourless, soundless blur as I stare at the man in front of me. He can’t mean it, can he? Oh my God, he does. Of course he does. He never says things he doesn’t mean. But...
“Please don’t do this, Ben. I know it seems bad—”
“Bad? They’re disrespecting you, and they’re disrespecting me. It’s a fucking joke. We’re being made fools of.”
“Ben.”
“No, Lainey. Look around you. Where are they?”
The last time I checked, Lucas and Amber weren’t in the queue at the candy bar like they said they would be. Instead, they were standing off to the side, discussing something in heated whispers, oblivious to Ben and me sitting in our booth, waiting for them to come back.
Amber and Lucas walking away and leaving Ben and me alone together is a regular occurrence. It has been from the start. Lately, though, they seem to forget we even exist. Ben looks mad enough to cause a scene. I can’t blame him for that, but if he does... it’ll be the end of everything. Panic claws at my chest, making breathing impossible as different outcomes of the evening flash through my mind.
“Can’t we just get through tonight?” I plead. “We can deal with it tomorrow.”
Ben brings his palms down on the table loud enough to startle me. “I know you don’t want to deal with it. But we need to. We can’t pretend anymore. It’s getting worse. It has been ever since they got back from their trip last month. They can’t hide it from us or each other. Tell me, Lainey, where are they?”
The note of desperation in his voice has me sucking in a deep breath and turning so I can scan the bowling alley from my seat. I can’t see them anywhere, and my chest gets tighter with every second that passes. Refusing to give up, I stand up and continue my search, eventually spotting two familiar-looking people standing in the shadows outside one of the staff bathrooms at the back of the place. My first instinct is to return to Ben and tell him I’ve found them, but there’s such intimacy to the way they are standing together, I hesitate, my stomach roiling.
On legs that are far from steady, I walk in the direction of the couple. The closer I get, the surer I am that’s it’s Amber and Lucas. I stop abruptly when I confirm the worst. The two of them aren’t kissing or hugging, but somehow, it’s still worse. Lucas is looking down at Amber like she is his world. The intensity in his eyes as he looks down at his best friend is unmistakable, his hand around the nape of her neck and his lips just inches from hers.
Lucas has never looked at me like that. Never. The realisation hits me as if I’m being slashed from the inside out.
I can’t move.
I can’t breathe.
And when a small, pained noise does finally escape me, and Lucas and Amber look up and see me standing there, I know my relationship is over. The regret, sadness, and inevitability in Lucas’s gaze as our eyes lock shreds my heart to pieces. I feel sick, and my throat is tight as tears sting the backs of my eyes.
“I told you,” Ben bites out behind me.
He followed me, and I didn’t even realise. Now he’s seen everything I have. Ben said I need to deal with this, and now I know I must, but I don’t know how. I’m not ready for this. I have to get out of here.
My movements are jerky as I turn and brush past Ben, gathering my handbag and jacket from the booth before bolting for the exit.
“Lainey! Wait!”
I’m not sure who is calling out for me to wait. It could be Lucas. It could be Ben. It could even be Amber. All I know is I have to leave before I lose it in front of all of them. This bowling alley has been one of my favourite places since the four of us started double dating every Saturday night, and now I probably won’t be able to come back here without remembering this night and every time we’ve come here before it.
“Lainey.”
The moment the fingers wrap around my arm, I know it’s Lucas. The tingles and the warmth of his touch give him away. Reluctantly, I turn around and face him.
I’ve fought so hard for us, doing everything I can to hold on to Lucas. I’ve ignored the clang of warning bells at every turn, waved away every red flag, convincing myself I’m a paranoid and jealous version of myself, someone I hate.
As stupid as I feel right now, I’m not ready to say goodbye. The thought that I might have kissed him, touched him—made love with him—for the last time... It. Kills. Me. I’m not ready to accept that despite all the effort I’ve put in, Lucas won’t ever love me the way I love him.
Lucas’s thumb scrolls across my cheekbone, and I have to resist the urge to lean into his caress. Two and a half years with this man and it’s nowhere near long enough. My gaze roams his face, taking everything in. I’ve memorised his mouth and the dimples that appear when he smiles. His strong nose, blue eyes, and wavy light brown hair are unforgettable. I would have been happy to spend the rest of my life with him. I wanted him to be my forever.
But he never will be.
“It’s over, isn’t it?” I whisper.
