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Her smile wavers a little, but then stays fixed in place. “I'll admit I was a little shocked when you first told me you were leaving, but I'm used to the idea now.”
“And you really want to know all this stuff? I thought you thought travelling was boring.”
Her smile drops completely. “I never, ever, said that. It's the opposite. It's exciting and fun.”
“But you don't want to do it.”
I don't know why I'm pushing this. Maybe it's because she's so insistent on talking about it. I don't want to answer any more of her questions tonight. I don't want to focus on leaving the country. Yes, I should be excited about what I'm doing in a month and a half's time, but I'm not looking forward to leaving Claire.
“I will, just not yet.”
“Because the house and the man come first.”
“Exactly.”
After ripping off another bite of my bread roll, I force myself to swallow it. It's like a giant burning ball the whole way down – settling like a lump in the pit of my stomach.
“Why? You've got time. You're still young. You could put your plans off for six months and it wouldn't kill you.”
“I've already put my plans off.”
Her words are like a punch to the stomach. “No one is forcing you. You can go back to that list any time you want to.”
She flinches, which makes me feel like an asshole. I force myself to grin – to lighten the weight of what I'm saying. “I just mean you don't have to wait until October to go back to looking for guys that fit your list.”
Though the thought of her with anyone else but me... I put down the roll, unable to stomach another mouthful.
“I know I don't have to wait until then, but I'm having fun with you. You're teaching me how to do things differently.” She smiles at me. “I never would have broken into anywhere before.”
I chuckle. “You make it sound like I'm teaching you how to be a criminal.”
She shakes her head. “You're pushing me out of my comfort zone and I need that right now.”
“But travelling is too far out?”
Pushing the idea on her is stupid, but I can't seem to stop myself.
“It's not that I don't ever want to, I just have my priorities and you have yours. It's like me telling you that you should stay and do something with your loyalty to Brody's.”
I huff out a laugh. “You sound like my boss, telling me I should try to buy the place.”
“See? If I were living your life, that's what I'd do instead of travelling. We have different things we want to achieve in life, Dylan.”
I know we're different and that we want different things. It's why I've avoided having anything outside of a sibling-like relationship with her for so long. But she surprised me with how well she stuck to her side of the agreement – just throwing herself into having fun with me.
“I never thought you could have done this – have this kind of fling. I was wrong about you and your priorities.”
Her smile is weak and she picks at something on the blanket. “I can stick to our agreement because there's more to lose if I don't.”
She looks up at me and my heart stops for a moment. Maybe what we're doing isn't as easy for her as she's made it out to be. It sounds like she feels forced to play it this way because she wants to be with me.
My brain screams danger, but ending things between us is completely out of the question now. I dove into this non-relationship headfirst, desperate for the one thing I've always denied myself. Taking it only because she begged me to. Now I'm hooked on it. I might be leaving soon, but I'll take what I can because life is too short not to.
“You never know what's around the corner. That's what my father's death taught me. You can't take anything for granted.”
A flicker of surprise crosses her features at the heavy topic change before she tilts her head to the side and studies me. “Do you miss him?”
My laugh is a little harsh. “He was never around when I was growing up. He was always focused on making more money, rather than on the well-being of my family. I don't know what it's like to have a father around. He literally worked himself to death. Neither the first heart attack nor the second was enough to make him slow down.”
