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The moment I'm seated inside her fully, she wrenches her mouth from mine, breathing hard as she stares at me, her body still pulsating around mine. The intensity in her gaze both scares and excites me. I circle my hips while still deep inside her, loving the way she tightens around me with every move.
“Oh my God.”
Her head falls back and I focus on her breasts, taking her bra off with a simple flick of my wrist behind her back, tasting first one breast, then the other. She is so slick around me, and when I gently tug on her nipple, her whole body tenses up before I feel the gush of her orgasm and the squeeze of her muscles around my cock.
I am so close to finding my own release and there is nothing I want more than to let go and empty myself inside her – but even if she is on birth control, I've never come inside a woman without a condom. Kids are not part of my plan for the immediate future.
20
Claire
I'm slightly shocked as Dylan pulls out and finishes on my stomach. He moans my name and nuzzles into the crook of my neck, clearly as spent as I am. It's not just the fact no guy has done that to me before that is shocking. No, it's how much I wish he hadn't pulled out. Unbidden, thoughts of a life with Dylan flood my mind – one where I'm not on protection. One where it's Dylan's child I'm pregnant with when I move into the house I've been saving up for my entire life.
My heart is pounding from more than just the physical act of what we've just done. What the hell am I thinking? I can't be thinking that.
I shouldn't be thinking that.
It's wrong. Dylan James is never going to be mine. He doesn't want to be mine. He wants no part of the life I've imagined and dreamed of forever. He's never going to ask me to marry him, buy a house with me, and give me children. He isn't that man and he never will be.
I hadn't forgotten that, exactly. But for a second there, I imagined it anyway.
It's a dangerous, dangerous fantasy to indulge in for even a second. Dylan isn't supposed to be the type of man I see myself with. He's everything I don't want in a husband – unpredictable and restless.
“You okay?” Dylan asks, helping me clean up.
Am I?
I thought I'd be safe doing this with Dylan because he's absolutely the last person I'd ever imagine myself with long-term. Confusing what we have with more breaks all the rules and promises I made to myself and to him.
My friends thought I was capable of indulging in this sort of fun with a man, but maybe they were wrong. And maybe Kara was right in saying that I couldn't do it with Dylan.
“You love Dylan. You always have.”
I can't fall for Dylan. We're having great sex, and just because this is a first for me, I'm confusing it with more.
I have to make sure that never happens again.
Dylan holds my top out to me. “We need to reschedule that date of ours.”
Before we had sex tonight, I might have jumped at the chance, but now that I can see the slippery slope I'm on with him, perhaps dates and spending time together outside of the bedroom is a bad idea. Rules. I've always been good with rules, and this will just be one more I impose on myself. I will not ask anything more of Dylan than sex.
“Can I come back with the girls on Saturday night? Help out if needed?”
He picks his shirt up off the floor and buttons it, all the while studying me. “We could hang out during the day, too, if you want?”
I shake my head. “No, I might be working. Besides, we should probably keep our... meetings to the evenings.”
“Okay.”
My heart squeezes at the hurt flashing in his eyes, but I ignore it.
I am putting a boundary down, and even though it hurts me to do it – it would be fun hanging out with him when we aren't having sex – I need to. He may not need to worry about developing deeper feelings for me, but I sure do when it comes to my feelings forhim. This will be better for both of us. When he leaves the country, I need to be able to say goodbye. I can't dothat if I keep fantasising about the two of us together in the long term.
I smile at him, trying to lighten the mood. “I'll see you on Saturday night, then.”
He nods, and I walk over to him and give him a quick kiss on the lips.
“I'll walk you out.”
