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“Just like you were the first person to show me how amazing some of the other things are, too, huh?” I asked, knowing I was teasing him.
“You like it,” he said. “Anyway, let’s go. I’m starting to have another idea while we sit here, and I don’t want to pass this opportunity up.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, looking at his pants where a bulge was forming. “If you’re going to do that, we might as well go into the barn and have some fun. There’s no cameras.”
“No,” he said with a shake of his head. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let you go too long without this dick. But, I really want to take you out right now. It’s the perfect night for it, and since it’s getting later in the season, it’s not going to be perfect for very long. If I’m going to make sure I’m the first person who gets to take you out under the stars, then I’m going to insist we go tonight.”
“Alright, alright,” I said with my hands in the air. “You win. I just didn’t know if you wanted to go through all that work. It’s going to make a later night.”
“Who cares?” He shrugged. “It’s a night well spent if you ask me, and that’s all that matters. Come on.”
I wasn’t sure what to expect, so I let him be the one to saddle the horse and pull me into the saddle behind him. It had been so long since I had ridden double, I clung to him harder than I normally would have. Not to mention the fact he had a broken leg, and I figured it would be difficult for him to be able to balance on the back of the horse with that cast.
But then, he surprised me. He clearly knew what he was doing on the back of an animal, and he was just as much at ease riding Beau as any of my experienced patients. I was glad he’d chosen Beau to take us out, as I clung to his back. I knew I didn’t have to worry about Beau doing anything that would end up knocking us to the ground. I didn’t want Cole to hurt himself further, and I worried if he wasn’t careful, both of us would wind up falling off the back of the horse.
Then again, I was experienced enough I knew what I was doing, and I wasn’t about to let Cole fall off the horse when he had a cast on his leg. The last thing I wanted to happen was to have him hurt himself and have to let him go – then have to deal with my boss and her lecture for going out on this crazy ride in the first place.
But, I wasn’t going to bring any of this up. I was too mesmerized with the stars above us. I kept my hands wrapped around Cole’s body, but my eyes were up in the sky. I trusted he would be able to keep the horse in check, and I trusted Beau to keep his feet on the ground in front of him and not stumble over anything in the dark.
It was a major exercise in letting go of the need to control and giving it over to someone else. I had often brought that up with my patients in our counseling sessions, and I knew it was something I could stand to take to heart myself. I was far from perfect, and I was willing to continue to put in the work on myself to be that better person, too.
I hadn’t figured life out, and I knew that.
But, I also was happy to be able to experience these things with Cole. There were so many things he was doing that were firsts for me, and I was hooked. I wanted to keep hanging out. I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible. I didn’t want to even consider what would happen when we no longer had to work together.
But, as the wide-open sky stretched ahead of us and all the little stars continued to wink at me, I felt a peace I had never before felt. It really showed me that I’m small in the universe, and things that seem to make or break my day really aren’t that important.
With Cole, I felt there was so much in life I had been missing out on, and he was the one who was opening my eyes. I might have been the wild virgin in the group, but I was evidently quite tame considering the things he was teaching me how to do. And I was okay with that. I felt free when I was with Cole, and that meant the world to me.
I could see myself falling in love with this man entirely, and more than anything, I hoped he felt the same toward me. We fit together so well, it was amazing.
And I never wanted it to end.
