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“Fuck, I’m sorry. That was uncalled for.” He lets out a long breath and wraps his arms around me. At first I’m stiff, but his familiar scent, the one that’s so uniquely Lucas, surrounds me, and my muscles relax as if they have a mind of their own. Or trained, just like one of Pavlov’s dogs, the cynical part of my brain thinks. “Work is kicking my ass at the moment, but I have no right to take it out on you.”
“Yeah, that seems to be happening a lot lately,” I say softly, pulling away, but obviously not softly enough, as what I can only describe as remorse flashes through his eyes.
“I really am sorry.” He cups my cheeks, leaning his forehead against mine and we breathe together for a few seconds. Once again, I pull away, wondering exactly what he’s saying sorry for. Is it for his impatience, or is it for more? Shaking my head, I turn to Lizzy. I can’t do this. I can’t analyze every look he gives me, every word he says, wondering if there’s some hidden meaning behind it.
“Let’s grab a to-go box and go home. It’s getting late, and Lizzy has to be up early.” She looks up at the mention of her name and, as if on cue, gives a huge yawn. All the fun at her Nan’s house must have exhausted her. She’s hardly said two words all night. I open my arms, and she crawls in my lap while Lucas signals to our waitress.
“Are you tired flutterby?” Lucas leans over, scooping her off my lap, and dropping a kiss on her head. She nods sleepily. In record time, we have the bill paid, and not even halfway home, Lizzy’s fast asleep.
***
At home, Lucas carries her to her room, where I wrangle her into her pajamas. She’s asleep before her head hits the pillow. The shower’s running by the time I get to our room, and I freeze in the doorway when I see Lucas’s phone on the bedside table.
You need proofechoes in my head. Just a quick peek, I tell myself as I move towards it. It feels wrong though, as if I’m breaking something that’s supposed to be sacred, by spying on my husband. But he did it first by lying to you, twenty-year-old Alexis argues. I’m still frozen in indecision, wondering when I became such a coward when the shower turns off, taking it out of my hands. Moving quickly to the dresser, I grab the first pair of pajamas I find and slide my way past Lucas into the bathroom. By the time I’m done, Lucas is already in bed, his arm beneath his head, staring at the ceiling. His eyes snap to me, and I watch as that familiar look of heat enters them. In all the years we’ve been married, the desire he’s had for me has never waned. That’s why I have so much trouble wrapping my head around the fact that he might be cheating on me. Don’t be so naïve Alexis, twenty-year-old Alexis rears her head again, all snarky. Men don’t need a reason to cheat. Pulling the covers down on my side of the bed, I slide in next to him, wondering what I’m supposed to do now. This weekend I’d avoided him, coming to bed late, knowing he’d be asleep and waking up before him. Sex between us has always been off the charts, the hunger we had for each still as strong as in the beginning. So the fact that we hadn’t had sex in a week is almost unheard of.
I’ve barely settled back before he rolls his big body on top of me. Almost absently, he smooths my necklace down till it’s facing the right side up, nestled securely between my breasts. He peppers my face with kisses as soft as butterfly wings, and I want to weep at the feel of it.
“I didn’t mean to snap at you earlier.” My face crumples. I feel helpless against this poison that I can feel creeping in between us.
“Do you forgive me?” he whispers.
I nod because I can’t manage any words, and he nuzzles his nose against mine.
He touches my necklace again. “Do you remember the day I gave this to you?” His voice is so soft, almost a whisper.
“Of course I do.”
“It was one of the three happiest days of my life.” He leans down, nipping my ear softly and sending goosebumps scattering over my neck. “Do you want to know what the first one was?”
My breath leaves me with a sigh when his lips trail down to my chin, his lips soft and warm.
“Do you?”
“Yes.” I manage with a hoarse whisper.
“It was the day you finally agreed to go on a date with me. Not with our friends. Just you and me. Alone.” I jerk when he nips at my neck, immediately smoothing it with a slow, long lick. “You really made me work for it, so when you finally said yes, I felt like I had conquered Mount Everest. I felt so strong, invincible.”
I blink in surprise. He never told me this. Lucas never had any shortage of girls running after him, which was one of the reasons I made him work for it.
“The second happiest day of my life was when you became my wife.” He pauses his assault on my neck to peer into my eyes. The intensity in them makes me tremble. How can he still undo me after all these years with just one look? “For days after, I existed in a state of disbelief. I couldn’t believe that the beautiful Alexis Wright was my wife, and I felt unworthy of your love. But I promised myself I would do anything to make you never regret picking me. I didn’t deserve you then, and I don’t deserve you now.”
His lips move slowly down my neck, tugging my silk negligee down. “The third happiest was the day Lizzy was born. That moment you held her in your arms for the first time was the most beautiful you’ve ever been. I stepped outside for a moment and cried because of the beautiful gift I’d been given. Not one, but two angels.” He bends his head down and takes my nipple in his mouth, flicking it with his tongue. I arch my back, filling his mouth more fully. I should stop him, I really should, but I’m helpless against the onslaught of pleasure crashing over me. His voice and his words have put me under a spell, and for a little while, I just want to close my eyes and forget. I am so sick to death of overanalyzing everything, and right now, I just want to feel. I gasp in pleasure at the first pull. He is damn greedy, always greedy for every part of me.
“That’s when I got you this necklace,” he continues, murmuring against my breast. “This symbol of my everlasting love.” His big hand cups my breast and kisses the infinity tattoo underneath it—the one I had done to match the necklace. His words settle in my heart, and a tear slides down my cheek. I don’t want his words right now. I just want him.
“Lucas, I need you.”
“What do you want, baby? Tell me, and I’ll give you anything you need.”
“I want you to fuck me.”
His brows drop down, his body tightening.
“What we do is not fucking.” His voice is low and angry. “It’s making love. It’s me worshipping your body. Never fucking.”
Threading my fingers through his hair, I try to coax him down to me, but he resists the pull, his gaze unwavering. A whisper of frustration snakes through me. I don’t want his words. I want his kiss.
“Tell me you understand.”
