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7
Alexis
The restaurant is bustling with loud conversations and laughter mixing with the Mexican music playing over the speakers.
When we got here, Lizzy slid into the booth across from me while Lucas settled next to me, his hand settling immediately on my thigh, close enough that he was pressed up against me. It’s so familiar and warm that a pang shoots through my chest.
We found this restaurant six years ago when we moved into the neighborhood and have been regularly coming here ever since.
It’s not long before the waitress arrives and, with a friendly smile, gives Lizzy some crayons and a drawing for her to color in.
We order her an iced tea and a jug of margarita for ourselves. I look around while we wait, all the while aware of his thumb rubbing up and down my thigh.
I love coming here. The vibe is always relaxed and happy, but tonight I feel on edge and out of sorts. Do I put my hand on Lucas’s leg? Do I turn and give him a kiss? I’m uncertain, second-guessing everything, and what would be normal for me now feels awkward and I don’t like it at all. I don’t like this limbo I find myself in, this not knowing.
Lucas pours us each a glass using his left hand, his right hand not moving from where he’s still gripping my thigh.
“You look beautiful tonight.” He whispers against my ear, sending shivers down my arm.
I turn my head a fraction toward him. “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself.” Shit, can I sound any more formal? He sits back, that familiar little smile playing on his lips. I cast around in my mind looking for something to say to break this awkward silence between us. When did this get so hard? The things I want to talk to him about, I can’t. His phone lying next to mine catches my eye, and suddenly all I can think of is, if there are any answers to be found, that tiny little thing would have it. Such a small little thing that can potentially alter the course of my life.
“I’ve been thinking.”
“Hmmm?” I murmur absently, wondering if I have the guts to snoop through it. That in itself would be a giant step on this tightrope I’m balancing on. Just the idea of it makes nausea churn in my gut. I’ve never had reason not to trust Lucas.
“Are you listening to me?”
Reluctantly I drag my gaze away from the phone. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
He sits forward and turns so that he’s facing me, taking both my hands. “What I’m trying to say is I think it might be a good idea to try for another baby.”
All thoughts screech to a halt. “A baby,” I say slowly, not sure I heard him right. He nods, his eyes holding mine. “Where is this coming from? Why now?”
“Why not? I think it’s a good time. Lizzy is getting older.” At the mention of her name, I glance at her, relieved to find her absorbed in her drawing. “We’re both settled in our careers, and we always said we wanted two.” My thoughts are spinning around and around. This is so out of left field. Surely he wouldn’t be talking about growing our family if he was having an affair or was planning on leaving me? I’m still trying to process this, reconcile it in my mind when his phone rings. We both glance at the screen as it flashes an unknown number. He ignores it and instead looks back at me. “So, what do you think?”
“Aren’t you going to get that?”
His mouth tightens. “No, it can wait. This is our family time. So?” He prompts again.
“I don’t know, Lucas. It’s a big decision.”
I’ve always wanted two children, not wanting Lizzy to grow up alone. I want her to have the kind of bond with a sibling that I have with Lillian, but the timing has never been right. First, it was Lucas and Eric establishing and expanding their business, and then I started up my boutique and focused my time and energy on building up my client base.
His phone rings for a second time, and with a muttered curse, he declines it.
“Just think about it, okay? We don’t have to decide right now, but I’d like it to be sometime soon.”
His phone starts up again, and I grab it in annoyance, holding it out to him. “You better get that. Whoever it is, is pretty adamant.”
His lips flatten when he takes the phone from me, declining the call again. “I’ll be right back. Will you order our usual?” I nod, and he drops a kiss on my lips. I watch as he walks away, dialing and bringing the phone to his ear. It’s obvious he knows who this unknown number is. The waitress arrives, and I order a platter for the table. When the food arrives, Lizzy helps herself to some tacos and nachos, but I decide to wait for Lucas before eating. I wait and then wait some more, the food getting cold. I’ve just decided to go look for him when I see him heading back from outside.
“Is everything okay?” He looks tense when he settles down next to me, his face tight.
“Yeah. Just an account executive that’s struggling to put together a marketing plan.”
“Since when do you allow anyone else to do that?” I joke. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask who that really was because I know my husband. Lucas is a bit of a control freak when it comes to work, preferring either Eric or himself to handle that kind of thing, so I know once again he’s lying to me. Instead, I choose to not move forward on that rope. Was that how it was for mom? Did she find herself frozen in one spot until it was too late to go anywhere?
“Since I’m so busy, I don’t know if I’m coming or going,” he snaps. Okay then, note to self, my jokes aren’t appreciated right now. My appetite flees with his anger, but I reach for a taco just for something to do.
