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“You refuse to sip straws?” Shawna asked, eyebrows raised. “Why?”
“Yes, because you know.” I gestured with my finger, sucking it suggestively, sliding it up and down.
“Yeah, holy shit, don’t do that. Unless you want your boss to really put you to work on your knees in the boardroom while his brothers watch. Now that’s what I call getting business done, OMG, that sounds so hot.” She fanned herself.
“Shawna! This is reality. What can I do to make sure MacKay takes me seriously at work?”
“I don’t think you can, because y’all have a history now. You can’t hide your body after he’s already seen it. That’s why everything sounds sexual to both of you.”
“Why is it sohard?”
“See, even that sounded sexual if you’re looking for it,” Shawna pointed out.
She sipped her iced coffee very calmly, as if my entire future wasn’t crumpling before me because I couldn’t stop saying ‘thrust.’ I was jealous she still got to sip straws.
“We’ve been texting each other outside of work,” I admitted. I bit my lip. “Sometimes video chatting.”
“Oh, Lord help me, Faith. How is that keeping it professional?”
“Um… that’s a rhetorical question, correct?”
“Yes.”
“But they’re not inappropriate texts, I swear. They’re just friendly.” It sounded weak even to my own ears.
“I don’t know what you want me to tell you, other than maybe you need to find another man to get your mind off of this man.”
That caught me off guard. “What?” The very idea made me feel flustered and upset. “I can’t do that.” It felt dirty. Like cheating.
Which was ridiculous.
“Why not? Everyone knows to get over a man, you have to get under another one.”
“That’s the shittiest advice ever and we need to stop telling girls that,” I protested, offended and appalled at the thought of having sex with another man. “The best way to get over a man is to take time to regroup. I need self-care and time with my friends. To focus on my career,” I said indignantly. “Not jumping into another man’s bed and compounding the problem.”
“You’re focusing on your career alright.” Shawna rolled her eyes. “Miss Steel Thrusting in a Hot Barrel.”
I groaned. “Fine. You’re right. I’m a mess. But I don’t think I can juggle another man right now. There has to be a different way to end this torture.”
“You could just hook up with MacKay again. I mean, what’s the difference at this point?”
“I thought you said I shouldn’t do that.”
Shawna shrugged. “But you already have and restraint obviously isn’t working for either of you. I’m just trying to roll with it.”
“So you think I should pivot?”
“Pivot right onto his peen, honey. It’s what you want to do and it’s just nature.” She sipped her iced coffee again.
Pivot onto his peen. She made it sound horrible and yet, I wanted nothing more. “Side note, how are you drinking coffee at ten o’clock at night?”
“I have nothing to do. I stay up until four in the morning and then sleep until noon. I thought it would be amazing to take a semester off, but I’m bored to tears.”
“I remember when I was bored, working at the bakery. I remember when I wasn’t so confused all the time.”
“Maybe you’re making it too complicated. Just have sex with him on the reg.”
That led me to another issue. “I don’t think he wants to. It’s like we’re friends, yes, but it’s also like he doesn’t feel that attraction anymore. Where did our chemistry go? Is he genuinely not attracted to me sexually anymore? Closure was actually closure for him.”
