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“I tried to kill myself, Nix.” Her voice shook, mimicking the vibrations rippling through me. “I took a razor to my wrist and—”
“Harleigh.” I inhaled a sharp breath. I’d wanted to know, needed to know what had happened that day but I couldn’t listen to this. Not without wanting to roar at the world for ever landing us here.
“I hurt myself, Nix. I wanted to die. But I didn’t, I survived. And over time, I realized that I didn’t really want to die, I just wanted it to stop. All the pain and grief and loneliness, I just needed it to stop.”
“I’m so fucking sorry, B. I’m so—” Tears burned my throat as my chest caved in on itself. I couldn’t speak, couldn’t get out all the things I needed to say. Because learning Harleigh had hurt herself had broken something inside of me.
“Shh.” She kissed me softly. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty or upset. I just want you to understand what life has been like for me. I survived, Nix. I survived and now I have to learn how to live again. So no, I don’t have plans for beyond high school yet. But it doesn’t mean I don’t look forward to the day I do.”
“I’m moving too fast,” I said, pulling away, dejection churning in my stomach.
“No, no.” Harleigh dipped her head to mine, sliding her hand around the back of my neck and anchoring me there. “But I don’t want you to lose focus on what you want, Nix. I want you to go after the football scholarship. I want it so much for you. The rest will figure itself out.”
Her conviction felt authentic but there was something in her eyes. A flicker of uncertainty. But maybe it wasn’t doubt, maybe it was just the scars of everything that had happened. She wasn’t the same girl; how could she be?
I refused to believe that Harleigh couldn’t heal and move on from the past. Because while the things that happened to us shaped us, they didn’t have to define us.
Who the fuck was I kidding? I let every interaction with my old man define me. I tried not to, but a guy could only be told he was worthless and would never amount to anything so many times before he started to believe it. So how could I try to convince Harleigh when I didn’t take my own advice?
The vibration of Harleigh’s cell phone cut through the silence.
“It’s probably Celeste,” she said, rolling away from me to check it.
My fingers danced up and down her spine, feeling the expanse of smooth creamy skin. She was so fragile, yet strong. So fucking strong. Like glass. She could endure a lot, but apply too much pressure and she would crack.
“Everything okay?” I asked, as she laid back down, tucking herself in the crook of my arm.
“Yeah, she just wanted me to know that Michael and Sabrina are going for brunch.”
“Is that a good thing?”
She shrugged. “Means they readily bought our lie, I guess.”
“You know, we could tell him and deal with the consequences.” It would be a total shitshow, but I’d do it for her.
“No.” The blood drained from Harleigh’s face. “Not yet.”
“Okay, whatever you want. I need to take a leak.” Pushing the sheets off, I slowly sat up. Every inch of me still hurt but it wasn’t as intense as last night.
“Nix…” She gasped, her eyes fixed on my body, the mottled bruises along my ribs and kidneys.
“It’s not as bad as it looks.”
“How can you say that? They assaulted you.”
“It wasn’t anything I haven’t endured ten times before. I’m a quick healer.” My body was used to a little pain, liked it even.
Grabbing some shorts, I yanked them on and padded into my tiny bathroom. I needed a second. Being around Harleigh was overpowering sometimes, my body desperate to feel hers beneath me, on top of me, wrapped around me like silk. But it wasn’t always physical, being around her was intense on a lot of different levels.
Splashing my face with some cold water, I made quick work of things before going back into my bedroom.
When the door opened and my eyes landed on her, half-naked sprawled in my bed, all the doubts and frustration melted away. Because she was here, and regardless of what the future held—or what Harleigh thought the future held—she was mine. And I’d spend every second of every day proving it to her if that’s what it took.
We could make this work, we had to.
“I can feel you watching me, you know.” She glanced over at me, a faint smile tracing her mouth.
“Is that so?” I prowled toward her. “What does it feel like?”
