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Football was my shot at getting out. I knew that. But I couldn’t commit. I couldn’t let myself believe I was good enough. Because I didn’t feel good enough.
Pressing my hands flat against the tile, I dropped my head, letting the water wash away my sins. My dark, desperate thoughts.
I needed a plan.
I needed a fucking way out of this place.
For me.
For her.
For us.
“You need to snap out of it,” Zane said as we piled out of my car Monday morning.
“He’s lovesick.” Kye chuckled and I flipped him off.
“Yeah, well, it was one day. One fucking day and he’s acting like it’s been weeks.”
“Fuck you, Z. Fuck. You.”
He had a point though. Harleigh hadn’t been able to get out to meet me yesterday, and it wasn’t for lack of me trying to persuade her.
It had only fueled the restlessness inside me.
“Look, I’m happy she’s back, I am. But be realistic, Nix, how the fuck is this gonna work? You’re here, she’s there. You have school, the team, she has… her new family.”
“Can we not do this?” I shoved my bag up my shoulder. “We have practice. I need to get my head in the game.”
“Hell yes, you do.” Kye nudged me. “Albany U is your ticket out of here. Harleigh could look into applying and the two of you could ride off into the sunset and never look—” I cut him off with a please-shut-the-fuck-up look, and he shrugged. “Just saying.”
I dug my cell phone out of my pocket and checked for messages, a bolt of annoyance going through me at the blank screen.
“Pussy-whipped,” Zane coughed into his hand.
“You could just text her, you know?” Kye said.
“He’s trying to play it cool, asshole.”
“Z’s right. I don’t want to smother her.”
“Seriously?” Zane smirked. “Because I kind of got the impression—”
“Oh shit, crazy bitch alert two o’clock.”
I looked up just in time to see Cherri making her way over toward us. “We need to talk,” she said, hand fisted on her hip.
“I have practice.” Moving around her, I fully intended on walking away, but she grabbed my arm. “Nix, come on. You owe me.”
“I don’t owe you shit, Cher, and you know—”
“Please.” Her expression crumpled. It was strange seeing her like this, vulnerable. Maybe even a little sad.
“Fine, two minutes.” I needed to make sure she understood that we were done, over. Because I couldn’t be worrying about what Cherri might do when I had bigger things to worry about.
“I’ll see you in the locker room,” I said to the guys, motioning for Cherri to follow me. We walked in silence around the side of the main school building toward the football field.
“How have you been?” she asked me once we were alone.
