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Rae
Of the things that have changed since I got big, one hasn’t: Working on a song doesn’t get any easier.
Back at the hotel, I’m trying to prepare for my set at Bliss tomorrow night and experiment with new material. I keep reworking the melody, but it doesn’t have the vibe I want.
Last year, my tracks were moving towards a more joyful sound—stripped down harmonies, major chords.
Now, it’s more minors, but when I’m done, it feels thin rather than atmospheric.
Ash has gone out for a few hours, promising he’ll stay out of trouble. But now that he’s gone, work is harder because I keep thinking of someone else.
Harrison told me that his parents weren’t trying to get out of Mischa’s family’s business after all.
Harrison spent years deifying his parents only to watch the pedestal he’d put them on crumble. Learning that would fuck up a person. Especially when, that same day, Mischa burned down the club Harrison had spent months building.
He needed somewhere to put that anger, and turning it back on the man who caused all of this probably seemed a reasonable plan.
I wish he’d talked to me instead of leaving.
But it has me thinking that part of why he left was the man who has everything on paper still thinks he doesn’t deserve love.
Once, it was because his parents died and he felt responsible somehow. Now, he thinks he’s cut from the same cloth as they were.
I wish he could see that they must have loved him. Whatever they did and didn’t do, I’m grateful for that.
A text comes through, and I frown at it.
Annie: Has he shown yet?
I hit her contact on my phone, and she answers immediately on FaceTime.
“Hey.” Her gold eyes blink, faint circles beneath them hinting at long nights awake.
“Hey. Where’s Rose?”
“Uncle Beck’s putting her to sleep. He’s magic. If I’m lucky, she’ll be down for an hour.” She moves around her house. “Haley told me to document every moment because Rose will grow up so fast, but I don’t know how she found the time.”
“Maybe Jax took the pictures.”
Annie laughs silently. “Can you picture it? My dad, the paparazzo?”
I shift my notebook computer off my lap and lean forward, thinking back to her text. “How did you know Harrison would be here?”
She tucks a piece of hair behind her head. “Why would you think—“
“Because you’re a romantic and you basically outed yourself already,” I tell her. “So fess up.”
Her nose scrunches. “Fine. Tyler and I saw Harrison in New York a few days ago, and I miiiight’ve shared that amazing photo of you and his brother in London.”
I huff. “That’s why he showed up jealous as hell.”
“Did he?” Her lips part, her eyes glazing over dreamily. “I want to know it all.”
“You don’t have enough testosterone-fueled bullshit in your life, you’re welcome to some of mine.”
“Please. Having a three-month-old isn’t great for your sex life. Or any life,” she admits.
“I could understand if you don’t want to have sex.”
