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“This doesn’t change anything,” she goes on, but angry denialrises.
“How do you figure? You lied to me. You pretended to be someoneelse.”
My emotion fuels hers, her dark-rimmed eyes flashing. “You assumed I was. I didn’t know until you… until we were already toofar.”
Fuck.
Fuck, fuck,fuck.
I force my brain to function, but every thought feels as if it takes every bit of my power to execute, given the feelings colliding in my chest. “I never touched you because I knew how messed up it would be. Never let myself look at you that way because of what happened withVi.”
Shame fills her expression, and that makes itworse.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Idemand.
“When it happened? We were drinking, Ben. It was a rough night for both ofus.”
My mind goes back to that night, as it has more than once over the past years. The way I tortured myself over it, then but more so recently, when I knew I had feelings for my bestfriend.
I didn’t go looking for a girlfriend because I didn’t want to let anyone in and because the one woman I’d already let in, I couldn’t let myself have. “You could’ve said something. Youshould’ve.”
Her gaze narrows. “In the middle of Fortnite, I’d just say, ‘Want another drink? By the way, you didn’t fuck my sister that night. You fuckedme’?”
“Yes.”
It sounds ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as what she’sadmitting.
Daisy shakes her head. “Vi was gone, and there was nothing to begained.”
“Maybe not. But there was sure as fuck something to be lost.” My gut twists sharply at the pain on herface.
“Ben… I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. But Vi had already left me, and I was afraid telling you might drive you away, too. Don’t let this come between us now. It’s been in the way longenough.”
I don’tanswer.
Her lips open and close, as if for once, my brilliant friend can’t find the right words tosay.
What finally comes out makes my heartstop.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say you loveme?”
God, I want to drag her against me and forget all ofthis.
I want to tear out my hair, to curse myself for being so stupid, then andnow.
That long ago night, we were both hurting. We needed something from one another and it was more than sex. It was comfort and understanding, and I have to deal with the fact that the person I thought I’d shared that moment with was the wrongperson.
In reality, she was here all along. She was here, and if I’d known, I could’ve… what? Pursued something with her sooner? Stopped wondering if I’d done something wrong that night? Stopped telling myself it was wrong to have feelings for a woman whose sister I’d beenwith?
We’ve been pretending this entire month, but I thought we were on the same side. In reality, she's been lying for waylonger.
I knew love was something designed to hurt, but I never realized the extent of it until my own pain and hers twine together into something worse, something I can’tdisentangle.
“Say something,” Daisyimplores.
My temples throb, every part of me aching. “I love you. And right now, I wish Ididn’t.”
I’ve never wanted to hurt someone I care about, and the way her expression caves, her entire body going from tense to gutted in a heartbeat, makes me want to take it all back. But Ican’t.
