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“I’m not thathungry.”
I sink onto the couch. The dog sticks its nose under my hand, forcing me to pet it. I let my head fall back onto the top of the couch, squeezing my eyes shut. There’s a reason I came, and it’s not for dynamite rolls and tempurashrimp.
“I need to tell yousomething.”
“What is it?” When I open my eyes, she leans in, her brows pullingtogether.
“I’m trying to pay off everything. Dad’s funeral, the hospital bills, plus my debt fromschool.
“It’s why I’ve been trying to sell this DNA site. I thought I had a buyer, but he passed. I’ll get it paid off. It’ll just take a littlelonger.”
“Howmuch?”
I tell her. “I didn’t want you toworry.”
“Oh, Wesley, honey.” She comes to sit next to me on thecouch.
“I had plans,” I say as if it’s an excuse, “and nothing happened the way it was supposedto.”
“There’s no supposed to. There’s only what is. We’ll figure it out.” She squeezes my knee while scratching the dog with her otherhand.
My gaze drops. “What’s with thedog?”
“Someone found him by the river, underfed and no collar. We want to ensure he’s housebroken and knows some basic commands before we place him in a foreverhome.”
“Sit,” I tell thedog.
It wags its tail at me,panting.
“We were calling him Ryan, but I think his name is Bucket.” I raise a brow, and she sighs. “One day I said ‘Fuck it!’ and he came running.” The dog barks and my mom goes on. “I realized when Rena was here talking about her skunk that there’s no reason I can’t have a pet in the house. How isshe?”
“I don’tknow.”
My moms mouth forms an o, bigger than when I dropped the news about the bills. “Don’t tell me you brokeup.”
I don’t bother protesting that we weren’tdating.
It’s moot. I haven’t talked to Rena in almost two weeks. Two weeks of teaching class, of coaching debate, of working out with Jake at the club, of trying to get my paper back in order at thelab…
And in that time, it’s been sinking in how much I’ve come to rely onher.
How much I fucking missher.
My moms perplexed voice drifts into my dark thoughts. “I’ve never seen you look at a girl the way you looked at her. I was starting to forget what it looked like to see yousmile.”
“It was never going to work. I was supposed to be going to Seattle. She wasn’t looking for a relationship in the firstplace.”
But she was in the end, I remind myself. I’ve replayed her saying she loved me again and again, mostly when I’m alone unable tosleep.
Mostly to torturemyself.
Because even though I want to know space is the right thing for both of us, it doesn’t make it hurt anyless.
“Relationships aren’t perfect, Wesley. Your father’s and mine wasn’t. In fact, before his cancer returned, we considered separating. It was a matter of time. But we discussed it, and we still cared and respected each other, and I wanted to be here for him through theend.”
My eyes burn. “You only stayed together because he gotsick?”
“We stayed together because caring looks different all the time, on everyone. I don’t regret it. If you wait for it to look perfect, or normal, or easy, you’ll be waiting forever.” She squeezes me in a hug. “I know things have been hard these past months. But your father loved you, and he’d be so proud of you.” I swallow. “He wouldn’t care about your job. He’d care about the man you’vebecome.”
