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I shouldn’t be surprised by how much I love that, but hell, I’m surprised every second around her. By how she rolls with things. How resilient she is. How much she cares about otherpeople.
She’s wearing jeans again, which reminds me of the night of the debate. I inhale her scent, vanilla and honey, and in this moment, I want everything sheis.
I’m not sure what’s happening, but I step closer, tucking her hair behind her ear and loving her shakyexhale.
“I like this,” she murmurs. “Seeing where you come from. Knowing who youare.”
“It feels good to be known. I’m not sure I know myself sometimes.” I think about the job talk email from earlier tonight. “I worked for this one goal my entire life, then my dad got sick and my life changed. Going back to it now that he’s gone feels like using muscles I haven’t used in awhile.”
Now my life has changed again, I want tosay.
Because the last couple weeks I’ve almost forgotten I’m somewhere I don’t want to be, doing things I don’t want todo.
I thought I could keep Rena at a distance. She’s proving me wrong every damnday.
The way she’s looking at me now, her face full of caring and respect and interest, is something I never knew Iwanted.
On impulse, I claim her mouth, and her surprised inhale turns into a tiny moan I feel vibrate through meeverywhere.
Feelings wash over me in a second. Desire, always. But more thanthat…
Peace.Home.
I kiss her until I can convince myself she’s not going anywhere. Until all I can feel and smell and process is her, and she’s surrounding me and not a single cell of my body wants that tochange.
Eventually she pulls back, pressing a finger to the corner of her lips. “Don’t worry. I wascareful.”
I grin, thinking about her lipstick. “Thanks. My mom’ll knowanyway.”
“How?”
“It’s a momthing.”
Rena’s smile fades as she looks around us. “Was it hard going through all hisstuff?”
The shift in topics hits me in the chest, but I know she’s asking from a good place, so I go with it. “When I don’t see his things, I know he’s gone, but it’s not as obvious. Standing here, surrounded by parts of him, I can’t forget that the biggest part ismissing.”
“I like that you’re honest withme.”
“I like being honest with you.” And it’s the truth. Transparency is important in academic research, where the smallest thing needs to be explained, validated, corroborated. In personal relationships, I never gave it much thoughtbefore.
“I need to tell you something,” she says. “You asked if I knew what I was doing giving you advice to sell apps like yours, I said I did. Idon’t.”
“What do youmean?”
“I made it seem like I’d done it a dozen times. But I haven’t. I worked at Wicked and did social media, and I’ve handled a few clients who’ve done really well. But I’ve never done something exactly like your work, and there’s a chance it couldfail.”
I take her worried face in my hands. “Here’s the thing most people get wrong about science. It’s not about definitive knowledge. It’s about having a theory that’s the best until something else comes along that’s better. There are noabsolutes.
“So what if you haven’t launched a dozen apps? I could tell you knew what you were doing the second you started talking to me in mylab.”
Rena’s eyes shine. “Forreal?”
“Yeah. You’re exactly what I need, just the way you are. As far as the rest… We’ll figure itout.”
I bend down to kiss her and find my fingers laced throughhers.
* * *
