“I remember. It was awful. I did everything I could to protect you.”
“Yes, you did.”
“So, what happened Liv?”
“You brought me to Hunter’s end-of-year party at his house. Do you remember?” Parker nods. “I didn’t want to go but you thought it was important that I get out and carry on with life. You said I needed to surround myself with my friends. So, I went.” I swallow the lump in my throat and exhale.
“I remember the night going better than I expected and I actually managed to have fun. I forgot for a few hours about all the heartache I was dealing with at home. You hadn’t left my side for most of the night, making sure I was okay until I finally convinced you I was fine and that you should go talk with your friends. You were at the bar in the living room with the guys and I watched you from across the room throwing your head back in hysterics at whatever it was they were saying. It made me happy to see you happy.” I can still to this day see that image in my mind, likes it’s imprinted there forever.
“Hunter approached me, seeing me watch you laugh with your friends.” I pause. The words that will fall from my mouth next will have repercussions. They are words that have been taking up space in my head for a long time. The fear of telling him gets to me and I blank for a second.
Parker scratches his head; his mouth opens, then shuts again. He’s choosing his words carefully. “Did he say something to you?”
“He… he said…”
“What did he say Livy? What did he say to you?” his voice raises in frustration and he’s looking at me with a pointed stare.
“He said I would be crazy to ever think I belonged with a guy like you. He said something about your pedigree and how your family would never allow you to embarrass them by dating the daughter of a convicted felon. He said my time was up and that I should do you a favor and break up with you because you were too nice of a guy to do it yourself.”
Parker blinks at me and I see the rage in his eyes.
“I will fucking destroy him.”
“Parker, please. Take a breath.”
“Why would you believe that bullshit? I never once gave you reason to think I would leave you after your dad went to jail. Not once, Livy.” I watch as he releases my hand. His eyes darken two shades and his mouth presses into a thin line.
“I was confused. Hunter was practically the closest person to you. He was like family to you and I knew he cared about you, so I considered what he said. I figured he knew something I didn’t. It wasn’t hard for me to convince myself he was right; I was already so ashamed and embarrassed about what my family was going through. I knew after graduation you would have the whole world at your feet. The sky was the limit for a guy like you. You didn’t need me holding you back or ruining your good name. I kept watching you with your friends. You were so happy. I was the exact opposite. I started to feel like I would never be able to bring you that same happiness and it wasn’t fair to you.”
“Jesus Livy. That was not your decision to make. It was mine. You took it upon yourself to decide what was best for me without even considering how I felt. You had no right.” Parker gets up suddenly and starts to pace the room.
“Fucking Hunter. That prick.” His voice is sharp. Then he mumbles something I can’t make out.
“Parker, I’m sorry. I thought at the time I was doing the right thing. I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe me. It was never my intention. Breaking up with you nearly destroyed me. I’ve never felt pain like that. Everything inside me was screaming in pain for months. It’s my biggest regret.”
“I wish you would have just told me what happened. You made an assumption about what I wanted for my life without even asking me. You should have known me better than that. I’ve never been an asshole to you.”
“I was in such a terrible place. I was insecure, my whole life had drastically changed. I wasn’t thinking straight, and I was just so young. I know I hurt you but at the time I thought I was doing what was right for you. I thought if I let you go then you could have the life you deserved.”
Parker shakes his head and squeezes his eyes shut. He stops pacing and his gaze finds mine.
“Livy, this cost us eight years. Eight years apart that we will never be able to get back.”
“Parker, who’s to say we would have stayed together? We can’t change the past, we can only move forward from here. And I want to move forward with you.”
His jaw tightens and his fists clench. My heart hammers in my chest and it feels hard to breathe. I give in to my emotions, feeling the sting of my tears pooling my eyes.
“Talk to me. Parker, please. Come sit with me. I’m scared.”
“Why are you scared? Livy, please don’t cry. I can’t stand to see you cry.” He moves closer and slowly lowers himself in front of the fire again with me.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m not going anywhere, Livy. I just need time to process this. I want to knock Hunter the fuck out.”
“I don’t blame you.”
“He’s lucky I’m not in Reed Point right now. I’m going to kill him for the way he made you feel. You didn’t deserve that.”