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Shane smiled ruefully. “And thus, she managed to get precisely what she wanted, both of us thinking hard and then pushed together to deal with the matter on our own.”
“That’s…manipulative,” I said with a frown.
“And she’ll say it was done in our best interest, to encourage us to deal with our problems,” Shane said with a sigh. “Perhaps she’s even right.”
“Maybe, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying.”
“Yes, now imagine dealing with it for almost thirty years.”
I snorted. “Fine, maybe you have a good reason or two for being a jackass.”
His smile softened. “I’ll never get over how hearing that insult from you always somehow manages to sound like a compliment.”
His smile warmed me, and I squirmed in my seat slightly. “Yeah, well, somewhere along the line, it stopped feeling like an insult on my end, so don’t feel alone.”
Something strange passed over Shane’s expression, and he tilted his head. “Huh…”
“What?” I asked, suddenly unnerved and unsure of the sudden shift in his demeanor.
“It just occurred to me,” he said, looking me over slowly. “I haven’t felt alone for quite a long time. At least, not since you and I finally stopped antagonizing and insulting one another. It was only when we…weren’t speaking I felt loneliness return to my life.”
“Not speaking? Hell, we barely acted as if the other existed,” I said, rubbing my leg. “That was a miserable time.”
“That would be putting it mildly,” Shane said with a chuckle. “It was almost unnerving how much better things were for me after our last little chat.”
“If it’s any comfort, it got a lot better for me too,” I admitted, wondering where all this was headed. Sophia had come dangerously close to hinting at something but had pulled away at the last minute.
Shane frowned, leaning forward and setting his drink on the table. He clasped his hands before him, worrying his bottom lip. “I’m…not particularly skilled at this sort of thing. Not with emotions and connection, or anything like that.”
“Not to be a dick, but I noticed,” I said as gently as I could manage.
He smirked. “I suppose it would be rather hard to miss.”
“Kinda.”
“However…my life has improved greatly since you entered it. Despite how things may have appeared before the holidays, I was more at ease with myself. I felt…well,” he paused, tapping his index fingers together. “My whole life, I’ve always felt this restlessness, this need to be moving, to be doing. Slowing down was something I despised, and I fought it tooth and nail.”
I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a revelation, but I wasn’t surprised in the slightest. It had always been pretty obvious from the way he constantly flitted around just about everything. Even his personal stories had shown how much he constantly jumped around, as if slowing down or stopping would somehow prove the end of him.
“Yet, the more time I spent around you, the less and less I felt that sensation. It was as if being around you, talking to you, spending time with you,” Shane glanced up, and my heart skipped a beat at the familiar cocky, knowing smirk on his face. “Sleeping with you. All those things just pecked away at that restlessness until I found being around you…soothed me.”
I slowly set my now empty glass on the table beside the chair, staring at him in wonder. “Shane? What are you…”
“I’m trying to tell you I was, in fact, an ass,” Shane said with a snort. “I reacted…well, poorly doesn’t even begin to cover it. You had every reason to believe there was more between us than just a casual relationship after everything that happened.”
I did my best to ignore the painful squeeze in my chest. “No, you had every right to set me straight and point out that my expectations weren’t accurate. You were honest with me from the very beginning, and you never tried to make it out to be what it wasn’t.”
It stung to admit it, but it was the truth and long past time for me to admit that aloud to him and myself. I had unfairly lashed out at Shane for speaking the truth we had both known from the beginning, and I wasn’t proud to admit that.
Shane held up a hand. “And there is where you’re wrong.”
I stopped short. “What…what do you mean?”
“I mean I did lie to you,” he said with a pained wince. “And, perhaps worse, I lied to myself.”
My heart lurched, but I kept my voice even. “What do you mean?”
“I mean I chose to ignore how I felt the whole time I was with you and when it became obvious even to me what was happening,” he sighed heavily, shaking his head, “I turned my back on it. Just as I turned my back on my mother. You were right both times. First, when you called me a coward, and also when you pointed out I was purposefully avoiding her.”
