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You survived, Miazydar said. I think it a stupid ritual but many cultures share that same kind of activity, something to sort the tau from the relex. It is to breakdown what you were, so you can be rebuilt into what they want.
And what if I don’t want to become what they want me to be? My mind baulked at the whole idea. Mum was always trying to make me over, find me a boyfriend, Ash trying to get me to fit in with her friends. What was so damn wrong with me being me?
You refuse, you leave or…
Or?
Or you pretend to keep the peace.
That again. Of course, that was an option because it was the option I always took. Admittedly, the stakes weren’t usually as high as this back home, but my dislike of conflict meant I took it anyway. I sipped my drink, feeling my heartbeat beginning to slow and the shakes leave my body. I was going to be in a world of pain later, but right now, I felt flat and empty.
“Are we done for today? I don’t think I’ve got much more in me,” I said to Keel.
“Yeah, everyone’s usually completely drained after their first dive. You want to head home?”
I nodded and got to my feet, Keya looking up when I did so. “Heading off?” she said. Her eyes flicked to Keel. “Take the cadet to the rider training room and get some liniment on her. The falls she’s taken today are going to be murder on her muscles in the morning.”
27
Which is how I ended up in a locker room, my shirt half off.
Miazydar had been persuaded to go to the house, though it took some arguing. He needed reassurance, of course he did, I just didn’t have it in me to give it to him yet.
“If you lift your shirt up and hold the front over your… well, you know,” Keel said. It was funny to hear the slight quaver in his voice, but as much as I’d like to say I sensuously revealed my skin to him, my cooling muscles refused to obey. Instead, I tried to pull my shirt up, yelping as I moved. “Do you mind… is it OK…?”.
“Yep,” I said, going still as I felt his hands on my hem. His fingers were gentle, skimming the fabric over my aching flesh. I heard the sound of something being picked up and unscrewed, gasping when his fingertips touched my back.
He stopped quickly. “Are you OK?”
“Yeah, it
’s just cold.” Now, it was my voice that was wavering. It disappeared into a rasp as his hands grew bolder. They spread a familiar fiery trail as the liniment reacted with my skin, but that wasn’t what was sending me limp. His fingers, hardened from hours of wielding a spear, dug into my muscles, forcing the knots out and me to relax, so much so I ended up stumbling forward.
“Tess?”
“I’m OK, just need to sit down.” I was guided to a long bench that ran down the room. I took a deep breath as his hands continued to work, trying to go with it. The thing with Keel was, sometimes I thought of him as a good friend; of all the Aravisians I’d met, only he and Scalla seemed to have my back. But at other times, he was the Merlin who saw me, who’s eyes trailed over my body while I was wearing my flight suit, that dropped to my lips when we spoke. His hands moved lower, working on the muscles in the lumbar region so I leant forward, wishing somewhat that they would go further still.
Eventually, it felt like he sensed my unspoken desire. As they moved up, raking along my ribs and digging into my lats, little fingers feathered outwards, drawing perilously close to the sides of my breasts. My breath came in faster, shallower as they move up, up…
“How are your shoulders?” Keel asks huskily. “Do you want me to work on them as well?”
I knew what I wanted; I wanted him to work his dick up inside me, to drag my focus out of the sky and back down to the here and now. I wanted to stop wondering what his mouth would feel like on my lips, my body. I wanted to be selfish, ignore the needs of everyone else and push his head down between my legs. I never did that, always worrying what other people were thinking, needing. But I was alive when I didn’t expect to be and for once I wanted to know what it felt like, to just reach out and take.
I turned, my t-shirt and bra hanging around my neck my exposed skin feeling cool. His eyes widened, then grew hooded as they fixed again on my mouth. I stank like beer, everything was sticky with it but I didn’t care. If I closed my eyes I would feel it again, that wrenching fall towards the earth, so I didn’t. I moved in close to the rider, our thighs forced apart by the bench and reached up to touch that full bottom lip of his, something I wouldn’t normally have done. But I wasn’t in the habit of committing suicide by jumping off a dragon either, so perhaps today was a day for firsts. “You want this?” I said, letting my thumb drag against the plush surface.
“What…?” he said. I cocked my eyebrow and looked fully into those apple green eyes, not willing to play the coy games we were supposed to. I knew that if I reached out right now and ground the heel of my palm into his groin I’d find him at least half-hard, if his ragged breathing and dilated pupils were anything to go by. I leaned in, my muscles no longer protesting due to Keel’s efforts, slowly, so he could pull away if he wanted to, but for some reason I knew he wouldn’t. I paused just before his lips so I could feel the faint whistle of his breath against my mouth, pulling back slightly when he put out a hand for me. I smiled when his hand fell down and then broached the gap between us, my lips against his.
A groan fought free of my throat almost as soon as we connected. His lips under mine were soft, I’m unable to resist sucking the bottom one into my mouth and letting my teeth caress it as it pulled free. He seemed similarly into it, pulling me in closer so my teeth ground against his, so my thighs overlapped his. A stab of heat flared in my groin as his tongue flickered out, tangling with mine.
I rose above him, grabbing the fastener that ran down the front of his suit and pulling it down, yanking it back over his arms, leaving him there for a minute pinned by his uniform, to slip my hand under his shirt to feel the mass of lean muscle there. He fought free of his suit sleeves and then wrenched the shirt off his head. I reached out a little more tentatively now that I saw what I had before me.
His was the body of a warrior. It’s not super bulky and puffed up, it's hard and lean and scarred. His mouth dropped open as my nails scraped over his nipple. I took that opportunity, my mouth crashing down on his, my hands raking across his chest as our mouths fought for dominance. The kiss became a battle in itself, of nails and teeth and tongues. His hands slid up my ribs, moving to cup the bottom of my breasts, readying to move up when I jerked back.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I say. “You’ve had liniment on them. This is going to go from sexy to burning screams of agony in a very short time.”
“Shit, you’re right,” he said, looking at them. “Maybe I can wash it off.”
“Yeah, you can, but you’re not putting them anywhere sensitive. One tiny bit of residue and…” I shuddered, imagining that fiery burn in my more intimate places. I knew some people are into that, but so, so not me.
