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He had more, but the guys just sketched a salute, grinning wildly. “You got it, boss,” they said before taking off.
“I’ll help them,” Finn said, and got to his feet without waiting for input from us. I watched him go, noting the stiff set of his shoulders.
“He’ll come around,” Aaron said, rubbing his hand across my knee.
“Or he won’t,” Slade said, arms crossed over his chest. “I get he’s torn up and shit, but this is bullshit. Jules, love, I know you’re always trying to make sure everyone is OK, but maybe this time it won’t be, and it shouldn’t be.” I just stared at him, my brain struggling to digest his words, so on he ploughed. “You’ve tried to reach out to him, so have I, so have plenty of the blokes. We all want Finn with us on this, but all he can think about is his guilt,
his role in this, and his dads. That kind of inward focus puts a bloody big target on our back, right when we need everyone pulling together.”
“Slade…” Hawk said, shifting restively.
“You don’t kick a bloke when he’s not even here to defend himself,” Jack said with a frown. “If anyone knows what a pain in the arse Prince Perfect can be, it’s me, but at least let him have his say.”
“Now’s not the time to discuss this,” Aaron said.
“No, it’s not.”
I got to my feet, and saw all of their eyes follow me as I did so.
“You’re blunt, everyone knows that, Slade, but sometimes that spills over into just being an arse. Walking away from someone when they’re doing it tough isn’t what makes us a pack. It’s sticking together right when things are difficult and finding a way through it.” My eyes settled on Brandon, and now I could meet his easily. I felt our bond thrum for a moment, and his lips curled into a slight smile. “Brandon, are you cool coming with me for a bit?”
“Yeah, of course,” he said, and came over to stand by me. He grabbed my hand, closing his around it, and I felt that pulse of our connection more strongly.
“I’ve got some things to do, but I’ll be back for the celebration,” I said to Aaron. “Just don’t let the guys persuade you to start drinking without me.”
“I won’t.”
“Spoilsport…” Jack muttered, but his mouth was twisted in a grin.
“You guys gonna do the food?” I asked. Hawk nodded. “Well, there better not be any pubic hair in it. Hands off snakey while cooking, yeah?”
Jack went to protest, but Hawk just shifted slightly, eyes staring into mine.
“We’ll save some batter for later then.”
“Right, right…”
The big man watched me mentally toss that idea around to find many intriguing ways we could combine food and sex, until I forced myself to shake my head and stop thinking about frosted penises.
“Let's put a pin in that for now and explore that at another time.”
“C’mon,” Brandon said, tugging my hand and jerking me back into the real world.
8
For a few moments, I just let him lead me away from the stifling emotional and sexual cloud the guys seemed to always bring on, especially when all or almost all of them were together. I was fucked, well and truly, I realised. This whole ‘leader of the pack’ thing was total bullshit. They jerked my ovaries and my heartstrings like master puppeteers. When we finally moved into the house as a pack, I knew I’d be one big drooling mess, cleaning up and making emotional messes while falling on dick after dick. And some of them wanted me to have a child? Pretty sure no small person was safe with Nympho Mum. I stopped for a moment, just focussing on my breathing, while Brandon took the hint and backed up to take a seat on a nearby boulder. He tugged me closer, so I stood within his legs, and rubbed his hand up and down my back.
“Where were you just now?” he asked in a low voice.
“I’m…overwhelmed. How am I going to do this, Brandon? Walk into a fucking Volken city, assuming I can get Aaron to let that happen, and try to rescue those guys? Facedown the Black Wolf? I’m just sitting there with a group of you, talking about a mating celebration, and I’m emotional or horny, then emotional and horny. I’m a mess, even when there’s currently no alien wildlife trying to rip my head off.”
I looked down, hoping my wise seer would have some sort of prophetic vision to help me out, but instead, he smiled. But it was different. It was only seeing it now that I realised how little I’d seen this smile lately. It was bright and full of lazy pleasure, and I was instantly sad.
“God, you haven’t smiled like this in forever,” I said, and put my hand on his cheek. It faltered for a second, maybe because of what he was getting down the line of our bond, but something inside me lightened when it was back again, as intense as ever. “I’m so sorry.”
“Jules, don’t,” he said, putting his hand over mine and then turning to kiss my palm. “I love you. I’ve always loved you. I knew what I was getting myself into.”
“Yeah? What was that?” My voice was breathy, half hopeful, half terrified he would start blasting me with all the ways I’ve been a terrible mate. My hand slid down under the collar of his shirt to the firm brown expanse of his chest. I glanced up at him as I felt the beat of his heart, and saw his smile starting to fade as something intense rose up to replace it.
