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My brother releases a long, low whistle. “Damn, I don’t know what to say to that. It sounds like you’ve made up your mind about what you want from her.”
“I want more time. I want her,” I let out, stopping in my tracks.
I run a hand through my hair, letting my own words sink in. Subconsciously, I don’t think I was ever willing to let Sid go once I made her mine. From the moment the ink hit the paper, I knew I wanted her in my life for as long as I could keep her.
“Then, take it from someone who has lost too much time and so much that meant the world to him.” Gregor’s voice draws me out of my revelation. “Stop treating her like the others. Tell her what makes you tick. You’re a better man than you give yourself credit for. It’s why people gravitate to you. Don’t let your past rob you of your future. Especially not a past filled with lies.”
I close my eyes, allowing his words to wash over me. They hit their mark. My frustration isn’t with Sid and her reaction. It’s with my past and what it will do to my future.
“Thank you,” I breathe.
“Anytime, I just wanted you to know I’m on my way home,” he replies before ending the call.
My mind made up, I head back for the apartment. I need a hot shower and then I need to talk to Sidney. It’s time I reveal some things.
Sid slept right through my shower. Although, I could tell she got up sometime during my run. When I left, she was still wearing the wig from last night. Now, her natural hair is spilling across her pillow top and her face.
I smile at the untamed waves. They’re just like her. Sidney isn’t meant to be tamed. Even in her submission to me, she showed fire and passion that tempted me, challenged me, dared me to push her harder.
I grow hard just thinking about the depths I took her to last night. The look of awe of her face when she came from nothing more than the tease of a feather, the way she looked back at me as I claimed her forbidden place.
Her eyes continued to reveal she could take more, she wanted more. I didn’t disappoint. Only stopping short of the whips and canes. With Sidney, I don’t need that type of dark release.
All of that numbs the mind, it allows you and your submissive to release in a mental way through the pain and the infliction of it. For me, Sidney is that release. To mar her beautiful skin would be like hurting myself. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy that or disappear into the act.
Just as I would never be able to go through with breaking her. Last night, I gave more than I received, which brought me all the pleasure in the world. It was something I didn’t know I was capable of.
Sidney thought she gave me control, but she had every bit of it. Watching her open up, exploring what makes her bloom most, showing her that even silence can offer an intense lovemaking experience.
Yet, this current silence is killing me. I need to know where we stand. I need to know what my next move will be. My need for control has taken on a new face. I need to control the outcome of this. I need her to stay with me.
“You’re watching me,” she inhales, slowly opening her eyes.
I’m struck right through the heart by her beautiful eyes. I know I need to get her into a warm bath and pamper her for the day, but my mind and body are telling me to make love to her. To plead with my body for her to return the feelings I have for her.
I reach to brush the hair from her face. A soft smile touches her lips, she lifts her hand to cup my face. I turn to place a kiss against her palm.
When I look into her eyes again, concern wrinkles her brows, and her eyes are filled with worry. I lean in to kiss her lips, my own anxiety rattling inside me. I feel like that helpless teenage boy all over again.
“When I was seventeen, someone I trusted accused me of rape.” I blurt out. “Fran was right, she and I do have history.”
Her brows draw deeper. She moves her hand to the sheet to pull it to her chest as she sits up a little. I look away in shame. I don’t want to see the look of doubt or mistrust in her eyes.
“Leeann and I were best friends.” I shake my head.
“We were just starting to date here and there at the time. I’d gotten into a huge fight with my cousin, Wade,” I say bitterly. “To calm me down, Leeann took me to one of my favorite restaurants and we hung out and laughed all night. The next day, I had the worse food poisoning. I was so fucking sick, I thought I was going to die,” I snort.
