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Inside the package are cookies from my favorite bakery in Lake Starlight. Each one has frosting that reads Beat the Hawks. Who would have sent this to me? Only one person from back home would go to this much trouble and she’s the one coming tonight to spend time with another man. Could this be a peace offering? Even though she’s yet to respond to my text message?
I sit on the couch, eating one of the cookies, and my mind can’t help but remember how things went bad with us. I’m not sure how we’ll ever get back to where we were.
I woke up with a start, after having the best night’s sleep of my life, to find a naked Clara next to me. Things had gotten out of hand the night before, and with the dawn came a rush of regrets I couldn’t shake.
I saw the look in her eyes and the soft smile that conveyed all her emotions. She was hopeful this was a turning point for us. Of course Clara would lay her cards down for me. She was never one to hide how she felt, especially with me. And what did I do? I hurried out of the bed, mumbling something about coffee.
Before she had time to get her naked body out of my bed and put on some clothes, I was out the door. Once I reached the elevator, I bent over and breathed for the first time since I’d woken. Or at least it felt that way.
What the hell had I done? Did I ruin decades of friendship because I couldn’t control myself?
I’d lost all control when I placed my lips on hers. It was as though someone had unleashed me from the restraints that had always kept me from crossing that line with her.
But there was no way we could do it again. She’d have expectations. Expectations I sure as shit couldn’t fulfill. Clara deserved someone who wouldn’t run out on her first thing in the morning. She deserved someone who enjoyed hiking the trails after the snow melted and wanted to go into town and have twenty mini-conversations with the townspeople. Someone who could be beside her while she did it. Clara Harrison is Sunrise Bay, a fixture in our small town, and I was the one who got out.
We needed to go straight back to being best friends and pretend like this had never happened, otherwise I could lose her. And I couldn’t lose Clara from my life.
I headed down to the coffee shop on the corner where the barista knew me. She instantly smiled and typed in my order, and she frowned when I gave her Clara’s order of a chai latte with oat milk. I’d always suspected the barista had a crush on me, and I guessed I’d confirmed for her that a woman had spent the night at my place. Not that that was a new thing for me. Clara wasn’t the first woman who’d been in my bed, but she was the first I’d bought coffee for the morning after.
By the time I’d stopped to get Clara’s favorite donut and open my condo door, she was sitting in the family room, dressed in my T-shirt and probably nothing on underneath. The door shut and we stared at one another from opposite sides of the room for the briefest moment before I flicked my gaze away. I felt sick. I’d really fucked up.
“I got you your favorite donut. The Cocoa Pebbles one.” I busied myself in the kitchen, grabbing plates and setting them up.
“X?” The hairs on the back of my neck stood on edge with how close her voice was to me. “Talk to me. Please.”
All the tension in my shoulders dropped and I slowly turned her way with two plates in my hands.
“It’s okay to be scared. I am too.” She rounded the long island that floated in the middle of my kitchen, and she was coming right to me.
My throat closed up and I had no idea how I would say it to her, but I had to. Sure, she would be hurt, but she’d get over it and we’d go on with how things had been. If I tried to be with her romantically, knowing there was no way to make it work, then I’d end up breaking her heart and we’d never recover from that.
“But running out on me—”
“We can’t do this, Clara.” I spat out the words without any regard, and I swear she flinched. “I mean. I love you. You’re my best friend. I’m not sure what happened last night, but that can never happen again. It was a mistake.”
She blinked. Then she stepped back. I wanted to grab her as if I were a life preserver and could save her from the huge swells caused by me. “But you said… you said it was everything…” She turned on her heels and rushed away, calling out over her shoulder, “I’m going to get dressed.”
Like the idiot I was, I waited five whole minutes to go after her and found her packing her suitcase. My T-shirt was long gone, and she was in jogger pants and a sweatshirt. “You don’t have to leave.”
She didn’t even grant me a glance. “This is awkward. I mean, I thought we were…”
“Come here.” I patted the spot next to me on the bed and she sat down. “You know how I feel about serious relationships. I should’ve stopped us, but I guess things got carried away.”
To my surprise, she agreed. “They did, but…” She turned to face me, one leg bent and resting on the bed and her other leg stretched to the floor. “I liked it. I mean, I enjoyed myself last night.”
I chuckled. “And you think I didn’t? Of course I did, but it’s not like we’re meant to be friends with benefits. Eventually lines would blur, and you would get hurt.” I took her hand. “You know I can’t lose you.”
Clara was my one constant, besides my family. She was the one who cheered for me and didn’t let my insecurities creep in, making me abandon my dreams. She was the one who told me when I was being an arrogant prick and kept me grounded. She was the one who let me relish in the fact that my hard work had gotten me to where I was and said I should be proud. So there’s no chance in hell I’m losing her because my dick took over my thinking for me one night.
When she still hadn’t said anything after a full minute, I asked, “What is it, Clara?”
“It’s just… I felt something… something more than friendship last night.”
I sighed and pushed my hand through my hair. “We can only ever be friends.”
“I wished you’d realized that last night when I tried to stop us.” There was anger lacing her tone and I understood it. Hell, I deserved it.
“I was caught up in the moment. I’m sorry. But I can’t lose you.”
