Page 88 of Giving Up


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“Your demons could be mine if you’d let me,” I add in a barely audible murmur.

His jaw tenses, cracks, and relaxes, but he doesn’t reply. He gets off me, releases my wrists, and helps me sit up.

Jake joins me in the bathroom while I clean his cum off my legs. He enters the small hotel shower and grabs the jet from me. I open my mouth to ask what he’s doing but he puts his thumb on my lips. He stands behind me and traces my jaw, my neck, and then my collarbone. He caresses my breasts gently like he’s suddenly scared of breaking me after what Lik and he did to me.

He flicks one nipple after the other and after half a minute of him doing so, I start squirming on the spot. He presses his strong body against mine and his hard dick makes me shiver.

His hand slides down but he avoids my pussy. His fingers trace the hickeys Nathan left on me again and I almost hear his teeth grinding as his body tenses. He brings the jet down and puts the pressurized water against my clit. I jump at the shock of pleasure. It only takes a few seconds before I moan greedily.

But it’s never just pleasure with Jake, is it?

He suddenly pinches exactly where Nathan had left the biggest mark. It’s harsh and violent on what is already a bruise. I shriek at the pain, but he keeps the jet against my clit, moving ever so slightly, making sure the pressure is perfect.

It doesn’t take me long to come undone in his arms, my knees buckle, and he releases my bruised thigh to catch me at the waist. He puts the jet in its hold and pushes between my shoulder blades as he releases my waist, so I have to put my arms on the tiles in front of me.

He doesn’t ask me anything, he doesn’t check how I’m feeling. He just grabs my hips and enters me roughly. I scream in painful pleasure. He growls something I don’t understand and two seconds later his grip on my hips is lethal as he lifts me slightly. My toes barely touch the floor anymore as he slams into me from behind. He’s got complete control over the movements and all I can do is push against the wall so I don’t hit it.

He takes his time to push into me, I feel his knees against the back of my thighs. The wet slapping is not from the shower, I know it’s from me. The animalistic way in which he’s taking me makes me whimper, tears of pleasure building in my eyes at the roughness.

The tension in me needs to be snapped by Jake’s possessiveness. I need to give him the control so he can force me to break apart against his body.

And he does. He forces another orgasm out of me. He pushes my body to take the excruciating pleasure only he can give me. He withdraws and comes all over my ass.

I’m panting hard when he lets my feet touch the floor again. He pinches my ass cheeks and smears his seed all over them before he talks in my ear from behind.

“Why do you let me do these things to you, Angel?”

My heart skips a beat. This is a question I was dreading. It’s a question I hate asking myself and avoid all the time. But I have answered it to myself before. Maybe not directly, but deep down I know.

I know from the men I’m attracted to, dark and morally wrong.

I know from the porn I watch, full of dubious scenes that always make me come in less than a minute.

I know from the things I imagine, the wicked situations I wish Jake would do and that probably never even crossed his mind.

“You think I let you do this because you force me,” I whisper. “You think it’s because it’s you and I’m in love and stupid. You think I will regret it. But it’s not you, Jake. It’s me. I enjoy it, it makes me wet, it makes me come. I’m depraved and you feed my depravity.”

There’s a short silence while he thinks of my words.

“Yeah, well apparently so does Nate,” he rasps before leaving the shower.

When I come back to the room, he’s standing by the bed in his boxers.

I let myself enjoy his ripped abs and V that dip into his underwear. He slowly walks to me, still silent, puts both his palms on my cheeks, and kisses me in the least expected way possible.

He ravages my mouth with love, he plays with my tongue in ways that call for unconditional adoration. My heart picks up so fast I feel it in my ears. My extremities tingle, there are butterflies on LSD in my stomach and I go on my toes to deepen our act of passion.

He pulls his mouth away but doesn’t let go of me.

“Do you think maybe…maybe we’re too broken for each other?” His voice is hoarse from pain and my heart breaks for him. Because he genuinely thinks he doesn’t deserve what we could have. “People like us should fall in love with people who can be lights in their darkness. Who can fix them and ease them into an ordinary life.Normalpeople.”

And by normal people, he means ones who don’t carry an infinite luggage of trauma with them.

It’s the first time since he’s been back that I find the real Jake beneath all the anger. So I hold onto him as much as I can. I show him the girl he broke, the girl that’s been waiting for him to come back and tell her he loves her.

“No,” I reply as a tear passes my eyelids. I have a reflex of shaking my head at the same time, but his palms gently force me to face him. “No, Jake. I don’t want normal people, I wantyou. You and all the broken pieces you come with. I’ll take all the darkness. I’ll take all the obsession and possession. I’ll give you all the control you need. I don’tcarefor other people. We need each other, our broken pieces fit, theyfit, Jake, I promise you.”

He smiles but it’s a defeated one. “In an ideal world, we’d escape this town and settle somewhere together. You’d go to your ideal college and become one of the best surgeons in the country. I’d watch you grow, and we’d heal each other. You’d slowly chase away the demons and I’d slowly let go of that anger that drives me. We’d be in love…unconditionally.”

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