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“I know,” I choke between two sobs.
The spasms in my chest don’t let me align more words than that. My breath clogs my lungs as Cole rubs a warm hand on my back, telling me sweet things. Telling me he’ll always be my friend and be there for me.
When I wake up, Cole is gone. My eyes are swollen from crying, my cheeks sticky, and my face too warm. I look around my room and that sickening feeling in my stomach comes back tenfold. The one that warns me that I’ll never get over Jake. That no matter how hard I try, my whole being just goes back to loving him with all I have.
And him? He’ll stay away emotionally. I watched as he shut down his feelings, I watched as he turned back into the bully I met in September. Yeah, he’ll keep his distance emotionally alright, but the beast who loves playing is back. The thrill in his eyes when he humiliated me in front of everyone was clear as day.
Jake has broken my heart, and he’s still not done playing with me.
CHAPTER 11
Bad Ones – Tate McRae
Jamie
Church on Sunday is a good way to try and focus on something other than myself. Seeing happy people slightly takes me out of my self-pity. Mom and Pastor Gilligan talk about getting lunch together at our favorite diner after he’s gone around and spoken to everyone. He always says hi to every single person who comes, takes a few minutes to speak with them and see what is going on in their lives. It’s easy in a small-town church.
“Mom, I’m not hungry,” I complain as we head out. “Can we even afford it?”
She shrugs. “I got it covered.”
I know what that means. It means she stole from the Bakers’ register.
“Mom,” I scold her in a whisper. “I told you we couldn’t do that anymore. We’ll get caught, they’re onto something.”
“I know what I’m doing, ‘Me,” she tells me in her strong voice. The one that tells me not to talk back.
I huff a wordless complaint. I really don’t want to go to Silver’s. I’m trying really hard to get over myself. Still trying to get an asshole out of my thoughts.
“Why don’t you go on your own with Pastor Gilligan? It can be a date or something.”
“Jamie,” she blushes.
Happiness bubbles in my belly thinking of my mother going on a date. Finally. Finally something else but complete destruction.
I’m jumping on the spot when I talk again. “Go on a date with him! Go, go! Mom, it’ll be so much fun.”
“Fine,” she laughs. “I’ll drop you home and–”
“I’ll take myself home. Just enjoy yourself,” I squeal as Pastor Gilligan walks out of the church.
We talk for a few minutes before they both get into mom’s car. This is great, I want her happy.
I also slightly want her off my back. She’s been so reluctant to let me do things on my own since she’s been back. She only let me go to the party on Friday, and wasn’t aware of the one before that. I don’t even want to know what she would do if she knew I went to the North Shore of the Falls.
I check my phone to see if Emily wants to hang out and she sends me back a picture of her trying on dresses at His&Hers, one of the most expensive dress shops in Stoneview. I forgot she’s got a Debutante ball when we come back from the tournament. Her grimace on the picture makes me chuckle. She hates those things so much.
My heart skips a beat when I look up and cross those dangerous eyes I know too much. How are Nathan’s so much softer than Jake’s? They shouldn’t be. Nathan is a literal monster. He hurts people for fun. He inflicts pain for the thrill of it.
But when he looks at me, it’s like he could watch the whole world crash and burn as long as I am by his side while he does so.
He watches me from afar, leaning against his car, a hand in his suit pocket. Always in a suit, like his job as a gangster is a fine, white collar business that requires the finest clothes. His dirty blond bun is sleek and tight behind his head. He’s smoking a cigarette and observing me with focused eyes behind his black rim glasses.
Should I talk to him? Should I walk over?
I want to but he doesn’t look like he’s waiting for me. He’s just there…watching me.
Ugh, fuck it. I’m sick of the Whites playing with my head.
