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She just stabbed my heart badly enough for me to have to fight with my own breathing. How can she throw such truths at me? Like it doesn’t mean shit that we’re not together anymore. Like…like she’s truly over us.
Like I should be.
She doesn’t give me respite though; she keeps stabbing at me with no mercy.
“I’m not yours to play with anymore. I’m not yours to order around.” She pulls her panties back up as she keeps talking. “You know, it’s hard to admit that I loved the way you were with me. How you controlled my body into submitting. It was ecstatic, Jake. But you don’t have that right anymore. If I want to fuck other guys, I will. Idreamof Xi’s dick in my mouth. You ruined it once, but you won’t twice. And if I want to fuck Cole, believe me, I will too. And you don’t get a say about it.”
The beast in me is roaring so loud I want to put her to the floor and choke her down. But the pain she’s causing is worse. It overtakes it all.
“Is that what you are now, Jamie? Some girl who gets revenge by tricking me out of my clothes and fucking other guys? That’s just not who you are.” The disappointment in my voice is loud enough to floor her but she doesn’t let it faze her.
Instead, she laughs back at me. “I couldn’t care less if you think that’s not who I am. It isn’t. But as long as you suffer, I don’t care if I lose myself in the process.”
She turns around and leaves the bathroom with a halo of calmness around her. Like she knows I’m the one left hurting after those words.
And I am.
It hurts really fucking bad.
But if Jamie Williams thinks she can get away from meandhave the last word, she really forgot who I was. She forgot how this whole thing started. I forced her into submission once, I can do it as many times as I fucking wish.
I might not be able to date her, but if she wants to play games. Oh, baby, we will. Nothing stops me from keeping her around on the leash I’ve always had around her neck.
CHAPTER 10
Without Me - Halsey
Jamie
I only start breathing again when I walk into the backyard. Standing up to Jake is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. Last week, I had alcohol-induced bravery. I was fuming at what he had just done. I always tried to defend myself and always ended up giving in. I never put up a real fight.
And now I did.
So why do I not feel any better?
My heart is beating so hard in my chest I feel like I’m on drugs. My extremities feel numb, my stomach is twisted. And my pussy is wet. Always when he starts playing with me. It’s a mix of adrenaline and despair. How can I say no to Jake when I’m dying to say yes? But my pride is at an all-time high, I feel powerful. Is that how he feels all the time?
Probably not, he’s so used to it. Jake doesn’t understand emotions the same way we mere mortals do. It’s hard to know when he’s genuine and when he copies human emotions to plaster them on his god-like face.
I find Cole by the pool outside, holding his jacket, ready to give it back to me. I put it back on straight away. Mid-March, the weather is still cold, especially at nighttime. Everyone barely feels it in their drunken state, and I must admit in my high adrenaline one, I don’t feel very cold either.
Cole and me. I bet Jake is dying to know what we were up to in that room. I hope he thinks we were having sex. Or at least making out. I hope it burns him, eats him from the inside like it did me when I saw him kiss Billie in front of me. That’s Jake, isn’t it? He fucks girls right, left, and center while he expects me to wait like a good pet.
I don’t understand his sick possessive behavior when he’s the one who broke up with me. It only reinforces my feeling that he’s doing it to protect me from Bianco. But how could I know? Jake never lets anyone in, never explains himself. He makes decisions and expects everyone to bend to them. Whoever doesn’t, risks his wrath. I’m not scared of his wrath, I’m scared of losing him forever. Because after the games, the anger, and the revenge…what will there be left of us?
I wasn’t having sex with Cole. I was giving him a ‘tour of rich mansions’. We were just having a ton of fun walking through Luke’s gigantic house and mocking the number of useless rooms or the kind of things rich people collect. I mean, Cole is rich, but he’s the kind to not think too hard about it so he can take a joke.
Cole had left an open chocolate bar in his jacket and when I put my hand in the pocket it got covered in day-old melted chocolate. I gave him the jacket and went to wash my hands. It was pure luck to enter that bathroom from the bedroom. It definitely wasn’t luck stumbling upon Camila about to suck off Jake. It made me sick to my stomach. I think I’m starting to understand how she feels about me. I hate her, I hate her for going back to him. I hate Jake for playing with all of us. It doesn’t even cross his mind that he breaks hearts in the process.
“So, Goody, are you bringing the ladies to the top of the Mid-Atlantic league this year?” Ewan McKee asks as I settle next to Cole.
“Yo, McKee, she’s got a name you know?” Cole chastises him.
But I don’t let Ewan talk again. “I did last year, didn’t I? Top ten,” I reply, pride in my voice.
The way I lead my girls to victory is something I will always be proud of. At school, in the halls of Stoneview Prep, I’m the shy, studious girl. On the field, I’m ruthless. And they know I am, or girls who don’t like me wouldn’t have elected me captain for the second year in a row.
“You might have been Mid-A top ten, but you were crushed like a cockroach when you got to the nationals.” Beth’s nasal voice grits my ears as she and Camila come to stand next to Ewan.
