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“You were meant to live a happy life, not survive your way through it. I fucked everything up.”
“You were just trying to help,” I defend. “Mom and I did the same. We stole from the Bakers because we were struggling. Life is unfair like that.”
“I was too stupid. Once you’re with the Wolves, you can’t get out. I don’t know why I thought it would be different for me. They took me that day. I woke up with them and they didn’t let me leave. Not until I had done enough jobs to pay everything I lost, plus everything they had lost due to Dad running a task force against them.”
“Did you? Pay it all back?”
“Of course I did. But at what price? Once you’ve done the worst, how can you go back to your family? It’s not just that I couldn’t face Mom after having Dad killed. It’s what I did while I was with them, it’s the fear of bringing bigger enemies back home. I couldn’t come back. I can’t, I never will.”
I shake my head in defeat. There’s no point arguing, I know he means it.
“We miss you so much,” I admit. “Me, mom…Em.”
“I miss you too.”
We hold hands for long minutes. I know the separation is coming, but it’s too hard.
“Will I ever see you again?” I ask with a tight throat.
“Who knows? Maybe one day someone will take Volkov down. Until then, there’s no way out for me. With the Wolves it’s blood in and blood out.”
“I can’t believe it,” I murmur.
“I’ll always keep an eye on you. From afar.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing?” One thing comes to my mind. “That text I got from an unknown number. That text telling me Nathan was dangerous. The one that said to look for his tattoo. Was that you?”
He nods. “And the notes in your stuff, telling you to stay away from Jake.”
“No that was Camila D-” I stop short when I see the knowing look on his face. “It was you,” I whisper.
“Yup. Can’t say it worked.”
“I should have listened. I should have stayed away from him. From both of them.”
“We can’t really choose who we fall in love with. But I wish you had just picked a good guy that wouldn’t have dragged you into this.”
“Don’t worry.” I explain, “he’s notagood guy, but he was good to me. He might have broken my heart doing so, but I can’t say he didn’t try to protect me from all this.”
“He ‘was’good to you?”
“Jake and I…” I take a deep breath. “He won’t let me close until he knows it’s safe. And like you said, who knows when that’ll happen.”
“That’s real love, ‘Me. Letting someone go because it’s best for them. It’s selfless.”
I nod slowly. “There are all these stories and these books where the guy wants to protect the girl, but in the end, he says fuck it and they find each other again. I…I don’t think this is us. I think he loves me too much to stop protecting me.”
He gives me a sorry smile.
“I guess no ‘fuck it’for me and Jake. Just ‘have a good life and stay safe’.”
“For fuck’s sake, when did you start swearing so much?” he scolds me.
“Oh my Gosh, you sound like dad!”
We both explode laughing and it lifts some of the pain off my chest. It hurts, just not as much.
When our laughs die, another stretched silence fills the car.
