Page 153 of Giving Up


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And this is where it gets real fucking hard. I straighten the cutlery around my plate, turn the cup of coffee so the handle is to the right and look back up at Jamie.

“When he started getting violent, the twins had the only response they were taught to have if something goes wrong with your foster parent. Let an adult know.Iwas their adult. But I was in the same shit as them, ‘Me.”

I hate the way my voice breaks when I recall what happened the first time I got in-between Bianco and the twins.

“The first time he got Ozy alone with him. She came to me crying the next morning. I tried to make her feel better, but it was too late. He had already broken her. Too much pain and violence for a little girl to handle.”

By the nod of her head and the tears building in her eyes, I know Jamie is aware of the pain that fucker has inflicted on my sister.

“We had already been with him for almost a year then.”

I chuckle coldly. Fuck I hadn’t talked about this in years. Only Sam knows.

“He was, and still is, so dangerously obsessed with her. He is never going to let anyone get in the way of him and her. Least of all me. In his eyes, I should have been thankful to him. He was teaching me the ropes, he was showing me the way. And fuck, yeah at first, I felt special. I felt like someone was finally taking the time to take care of me and I thought I was the most fucking badass thirteen-year-old on the planet. But even I could see he had gone too far. Even I couldn’t stay silent after what he did to her.”

I bring up the sleeves of my shirt to my elbows and Jamie looks at me like she knows it’s something I do. Is it?

“Anyway,” I say to try and sound unaffected. “I had to confront him about it. What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t?”

This is much harder than I thought it would be. I stay silent for too long, images of my nightmare flashing at the back of my mind and cementing terror in my stomach.

“Nathan?” Jamie whispers as she puts a hand on the table. She slides it until she’s grabbing mine and I think my eyes are shining with tears when I look at her. I think she can sense what’s coming. She feels it in the air.

“Do you know what he said when he raped me that morning?”

Her eyes squeeze hard at my words, but it still doesn’t stop her tears from falling.

“He told me that’s exactly what he would do to my siblings if I ever helped them escape. He said he would sell Jake to the highest bidder. That if he ever caught us trying to escape, I’d watch him rape my little sister and then he’d keep Rose to himself forever.”

I wipe the single tear that has dared to make its way along my cheek.

“He said we should all be thankful to be with him and that thanks to him I would become a big mobster one day. That I would control everyone and everything, but until then, I had everything to learn from him. That everything he was doing were just the hardships of being taught to be tough.”

“Nathan,” she sobs as her hand tightens around mine. It squeezes hard enough that I can feel her nails dig in.

What she doesn’t understand is, that’s not what helps. That isn’t what gives me strength and power. My voice is so grave when I talk again, she almost winces.

“And that’s when I started planning my revenge. It’s been so long it won’t be cold, it’ll be freezing. And oh my god, Jamie, it’s going to taste delicious when I serve it to him.”

“What are you going to do?” she wonders quietly.

It’s like she’s been waiting for the happy ending we all deserve, and she can’t wait for me to finally give it to all of us.

“You know, the only way I’ve managed to keep the twins safe was by following what Bianco wanted out of me. And I took my share of pleasure doing so. Then Rose shot me. It wasn’t meant to happen, but it was actually genius. Bianco never blamed it on me that they managed to get away from him. But then he found them, and he sent me after them again.”

I am aware I slightly avoided her question, but I need her to know everything.

“I am Bianco’s most trusted member of his organization. He believes that I would lay my life to save his. And I’ve managed that by turning the twins against me. It’s a terrifying balance of keeping them close enough that he believes I’m on his side, but not too close that he would put his most dangerous threats into action.”

“It’s making sacrifices, it’s making him believe I was doing it because he ordered me to. I wasn’t. I was keeping them close, but always far enough. Like when I convinced Bianco to leave Ozy alone until she was eighteen. Like when I told him to send Jake to L.A. so he wouldn’t use him for more dangerous things here.”

She shakes her head, completely confused.

“I was biding my time, I was protecting them, I was building my case against him. And fuck I have everything I need, Jamie. Everything the FBI and the OCGS have been asking to take him down.”

“What?” she chokes on her breath.

“They’ve been using me as their informant since I came back from the dead. Some sort of deal so I can escape prison while he will go away for the rest of his life. And trust me, the kind of place he’ll be in…he’ll get a taste of his own medicine.”

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