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“I sometimes read in books people saying that they canfeelthat someone is still alive. I don’t feel anything, Dad. I just know he’s not here and we still haven’t found him.”
Another set of tears breach the barrier of my eyelids when I admit the shameful truth.
“I’ve stopped looking for him. I thought I never could, but after everything that happened this year. I stopped. What is the point? I’m just…me. You used to say I was smart because of my grades. But I’m not that smart, I just work really hard. Nothing comes naturally. I can’t fix people, I can’t investigate everything. I just have a really toxic curiosity. You used to love it when I played detective, remember? Before the incident, I wanted to become a police officer like you. I wanted to become a detective. Now I want to be a surgeon, Dad, did you know that?”
You stopped being my hero when a surgeon had to save my life because you didn’t want to choose us over your city.
I don’t tell him that. I know he knows it already. I know he regrets his choice. I know he never wanted to leave us behind.
“I don’t know what to do anymore. I fell in love, and I broke my own heart. Mom isn’t here to patch it back together. I’m all alone.”
A heavy silence falls on me.
My dad won’t reply. He’s dead.
I really am all alone.
“You’re not alone,” someone whispers behind me as a hand lands on my shoulder. “I got you, ‘Me.”
I look over my shoulder and let out another sob as my best friend sits down next to me to take me in her arms.
“You’ll never be alone. I promise you.” Emily whispers, her head nuzzled in my hair.
CHAPTER 19
911 – Ellise
Jake
I’m so fucking exhausted.
Bianco is a smart man. Very fucking smart. He threatens my twin and then plays me like a puppet. He’s been working me out, using me to move drugs, to collect money, to bring him money from underground fights. I’m too tired to fucking think anymore and it’s not even been a week of it yet.
The Cosa Nostra has a strict hierarchy. Boss, underboss, captains, soldiers. With the way Bianco is treating me he’s added a new layer under soldier; Bianco’s personal little bitch.
But at least Ozy is not moving to D.C. Not for now. Not as long as I behave, not as long as Nate is in the way. It forces me to wonder how long he has been putting himself between Bianco and us. I still hate him. I just wonder if he’s been on our side all along. What sort of intimidation has Bianco threatened him with during our childhood?
The day after our drunken night at Chris’, I texted Billie. I took her on a date, showed her a bit of my sweet side, fucked her the way she loves, and let her sleep in my bed. And that was us turning official.
Because that’s what would hurt Jamie the most. And a hurt Jamie stays away from me. Stays safe. This is not the kind of battle I will win. There is no point telling her everything because she loves me too much and she will convince me to love each other despite the danger. I can’t have that.
Billie became the second woman to ever spend the night in my bed. But when I woke up from a nightmare, she didn’t move. She didn’t soothe me, she didn’t ask what was wrong, she didn’t sense my distress. She was sleeping soundly like she should have. The issue with Billie and every single other girl on this planet is harshly simple: they’re not Jamie.
So when Xi texted to say Jamie was showing up to our school and wanted to see me. I knew it was time to hit hard. It wasn’t an accident she entered the room when Billie was on her knees for me. It’s called perfect timing.
Except I could have never imagined in a million years the reason she came. Her mom’s in jail. And she thinks I did it.
That’s all I wanted, wasn’t it? For her to stay away. But to think I did anything to put her mom in jail? Never.
So now, I’m running after her. Not because I want to get her back. I’m running after her because I can’t stand her thinking I would do something sowrong. Yeah, after everything I put her through, I found my limit.
The tears and the screaming when I catch up with her drive a knife through my heart.
She’s done with me, for good. For something I didn’t even do.
I only notice Chris was here when I see his car leave. I shrug Xi off me and turn to him.
“Why the fuck would you let her in there? Aren’t you supposed to be controlling entrances into the school?!”
