AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTER 2
‘I’m only human, can’t you see?
I made a mistake’
Never Be Like You – Flume, kai
Jamie
I wake up to the smell of coffee and slowly open my eyes. I instantly feel the comfort of my own bed mixed with the reassuring scent of Nathan. I stretch and turn where I can feel him standing. I wasn’t expecting the look of deep concern on his face.
“Morning,” I yawn. I sit up and take the cup of coffee he’s handing out. He sits on the edge of my bed, facing me. “Thanks for the coffee. Much needed.”
He carefully puts a strand of chocolate hair behind my ear. “We need to talk about last night,” he simply says, his voice smooth and reassuring.
That’s what Nathan does; treat me like a porcelain doll he could break at any moment if he spoke too loudly or moved too fast. That’s why he always treats me with care, and why he can’t get himself to take my virginity. We’ve given each other orgasms, and lord knows they’re amazing ones, but he just won’t take that last step. He’s just too scared to break me, scared I’ll regret it and he’ll have to live with the guilt.
I don’t want to talk about last night. I don’t want to talk about Jake’s state of fury, about Beth pouring a bowl of punch over me, and mainly…about that kiss. The kiss.
I stare at him. His glasses framing his beautiful face, his messy hair not yet in a sleek bun. My eyes run along his topless ripped body, his artistic tattoos, and his gorgeous eyes I want to drown in. I love him. I told Jake I loved Nathan. I’m sure I do.
Then why did I let this happen yesterday?
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I reply in a small voice.
I burn my tongue on the hot coffee to avoid having to say anything else. I need time to think before telling him what happened. I know I will tell him because I won’t be able to live with the guilt. I just don’t know how yet.
I don’t even recognize myself. I’ve always been a rule follower, always tried to do right by people. I know I’m not perfect and I know I like to put up a goody-two-shoes persona because, up until now, I didn’t really know who else I was, who else I could be.
Is this who I am? A girl who plays games and cheats? Saying I’m disappointed with myself is an understatement. And yet, I still wouldn’t change what happened yesterday.
“‘Me,” he sighs. “I don’t want to be that kind of boyfriend, asking what you’ve been up to and demanding explanations…but the state you were in last night…something happened to you and I want to know what. If you’re in trouble I need to know.”
His voice is soft and reassuring but I’m not ready to get into this.
“It’s nothing,” I reply.
“For fuck’s sake, Jamie.” He gets up annoyed and grabs his dirty blond hair between his fingers, bringing it all back as he combs through it. His biceps are bulging, and I sense he’s trying to contain his anger.
He grabs my stained dress on the floor next to the bed and points at it, holding it with a white-knuckled hand.
“This is not nothing.” He grabs the sticky, messy ends of my hair and points at the bits hardened by the dried punch. “This is not nothing. The state you were in…and don’t think I didn’t notice you’d been crying. Your face was a fucking mess.”
He grabs the coffee cup from my hands and puts it down on the bedside table, hard enough to spill some of the liquid. He grabs my hands roughly. “This, Jamie, is not fucking nothing.”
I look down at my arms. My wrists are dotted with light grey bruises. I knew Jake held me hard. I didn’t realize how hard.
I’m trembling when Nathan lets go of my hands. “Oh my God,” I whisper to myself.
Nathan gets up from the bed and looks at me with cold, hard eyes. “And I’m not even bringing up the guy that was running after you. I’ll be in the living room for when you’re ready to tell me what the fuck happened.”
He leaves the room and I know it’s because he doesn’t want to take his anger out on me.
The guy that was running after me. I let the scene flash in my head, Jake running after me, Nathan coming out of his car to open the passenger door in the pouring rain. ‘Was this guy bothering you?’ he asked. I lied, of course I lied because I’m a liar. ‘No, it’s fine,’ I said. ‘I just want to go home.’ Nathan’s voice changed when he replied to me. It was tainted with that deep rage I know he can get in. With the promise of causing pain like he did when Dimitri attacked me at the coffee shop. ‘You stay here. You don’t move from this car, clear?’ I don’t know what he said to Jake. I’m just glad he didn’t do to him the same he did to Dimitri.
I have to clear things up with Nathan. I have to tell him the truth. Put this all behind us. Accept the consequences. My stomach tightens at the idea of Nathan breaking up with me for what I did. He would be in the right…but I care for him. I don’t want to be without him.
I take a deep shaky breath and pull off the covers. My top smells of Nathan’s soapy scent and my insides twist in guilt.
