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As soon as Dr. Adams leaves, things happen pretty quickly. I help Rachel change into her pink birthing gown and matching socks. Then the nurses come in to give her the anesthesia. The big test on whether Rachel can feel anything is when they put the catheter in her, which makes my toes curl, despite looking away. And then I find myself in scrubs, holding Rachel’s hand and trying desperately not to look at Dr. Adams slicing my girlfriend open in order to deliver the baby.
“I love you,” Rachel whispers as she stares up at me, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“I love you, too,” I whisper while stroking her face. I’m so happy the anesthesia has kicked in. She’s no longer trying to break my hands off. “Alex, Hunter, and Lucas do too.” I add Lucas in the mix even though I’m still mad at him, mostly because I know it’s true and I don’t want to be a dick.
“Where is he?” Rachel asks with a sniff.
I shake my head. “He’ll be here soon. I promise.”
Rachel opens her mouth, but whatever she’s about to say is completely forgotten as we hear a small, raspy cry.
“It’s a girl,” Dr. Adams says cheerfully while holding up a tiny baby, whose face is scrunched up as she wails. “And she looks healthy. Would you like to do the honors of cutting the cord?”
A nurse hands me a pair of tiny scissors. I stare down at them, for a moment not knowing what to do, until finally I grab them shakily. Dr. Adams points to the area that needs to be cut, and then there I am, cutting the umbilical cord for my daughter, who cries as she squints up at me. And sure, I have never found babies to be cute—quite weird, in fact—but in that moment, I feel so much love welling inside me. Love that I didn’t think I would ever feel for a tiny creature I just met.
“Maria,” Rachel whispers as Dr. Adams hands her our daughter. “My little Maria.” Rachel turns to me, smiling as more tears slip from her eyes. “After your grandmother.”
I kiss her then, because how could I not? She’s the love of my life, the yin to my yang—and in that moment, I feel like I can do this. I can be a dad. I’m going to be the best fucking dad this world has ever seen.
