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There was no way that could be true.
“I need you to leave,” I pushed out, feeling as if I was on the edge of having a mental breakdown. This was all too much for me to deal with. I was already swimming in a pool of issues, and I didn’t have the mental strength to add something this massive to the pile.
“Aaliyah—”
“Please,” I begged, closing my eyes to try to still my dizzy spell. When I reopened them, his blues were pinned on me. “Please leave, Connor.”
He swallowed hard and nodded slowly. “I’m sorry, Aaliyah. For everything. I know this is a lot, but I figured you should know. I love you, Aaliyah. I always will, and I hope you truly know that.” His eyes locked with mine for a brief second before he slid his hands into his slacks and whispered. “I’m never giving up on you. On us. I’m going to keep showing up for you. I love you, Aaliyah, and I’m not going to give this, give us, up.” He turned around and walked away.
If it weren’t for my brain, my heart would’ve begged him to stay. I didn’t let him walk away because I hated him. I let him go because I loved him. I knew he was sorry, and I knew if I allowed it, he’d stay. But I didn’t want that for him. I didn’t want him to suffer as my life came to an end.
I knew his past traumas. I couldn’t put him through more. Therefore, I lied to him in order to allow him to let me go. As he walked away, he hadn’t even known that he took a piece of me along with him.
I melted into my chair and tried to push down my emotions. My mind went right back to Marie. Breaths became harder and harder to breathe as she filled my head. Before I could process everything that had taken place, Maiv was standing in my doorway with a stern look on her face. Which wasn’t surprising, a stern look was Maiv’s default.
“Aaliyah. I read the article,” she said with lowered brows.
“Oh? If there’s anything you need me to change—”
“Congratulations on the promotion. You’re going to make a great senior editor.”
My heart didn’t know what to do with itself. It was broken from losing Connor, but proud for myself. I knew I wrote the hell out of that article, because I wrote it straight from my heart, broken pieces and all. I bled those words onto the page, highlighting Connor in the only way I knew how—the brightest of lights.
It was easy to write about someone as special as him.
“I’m thinking we’ll title it The Modern Day Gent. This is one of the best reads this magazine has ever had. You should be proud of your hard work. I expect nothing less than this moving forward.”
“You have my word,” I told her. She left my office as I sat and thought about the title. The Modern Day Gent was fitting, it described Connor Roe perfectly.
After my work day, I hopped right into a taxi and headed to Marie and Walter’s home. I knew for a fact that I wouldn’t be able to do anything else until I looked her into her eyes and asked her the question that had been sitting heavily against my chest.
She wasn’t home when I arrived, so I sat on her front porch, waiting.
Hours passed as day kissed nightfall, and I kept waiting. When her car pulled up, and she climbed out of the vehicle, she seemed stunned to see me sitting there. She hurried over to me with a look of alarm. “Aaliyah, sweetheart, are you okay?” she asked, probably noticing the paleness to my skin and the heaviness that sat in my eyes.
I stood up from the steps and looked her straight in the eyes as my whole body began to tremble. “Are you my mother?”
The moment’s hesitation and guilt that flooded her stare told me more than any words she’d deliver ever could’ve.
Oh, my goodness, I was going to be sick.
“You can’t be serious!” I cried out, my voice cracking as I placed my hands on top of my head. My heart pounded at an unbelievable speed against my chest as I sat on the verge of a panic attack.
Tears hit Marie’s eyes as she took a few steps toward me. “Sweetheart—”
“Don’t,” I cut in, holding a hand toward her. “Do not call me sweetheart.”
“I don’t know how you found out, but…” She swallowed hard as her hands trembled. She placed her palms together in prayer formation and held them against her lips. She shook her head. “You weren’t supposed to find out. I had it worked out so you’d never find out, but we were going to be a family. You were always going to be a part of my family when you married Jason. I know it sounds insane, and odd, but I knew that there would never be a good way to bring you back into my life without all of the guilt and trauma attached to the fact that I—”
“Abandoned me. You abandoned me at birth.”
Her tears fell down her cheeks, but I refused to allow mine to do the same. “It’s not that simple.”
“Don’t make it simple. Just tell me the truth.”
“I grew up like you…I was young and alone. When I met Walter, I felt as if for the first time, I meant something to the world. Someone wanted little ol’ me. It was magical at first. Then, Walter began to work later. He became obsessed with success, and he did anything—and anyone—to climb up the ladder. When I found out he was having an affair, my whole world crashed. I felt betrayed. Disgusted with him, with myself. So, I figured I should be a better wife. A better woman to him. So, I tried to get pregnant. I couldn’t. He kept cheating, so I went and gave myself to another man. I figured if he was a cheater, I should be, too.”
I waited for her to continue. I needed all the pieces to the puzzle I’d been searching for my whole life. No matter how much it burned me.
