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He couldn’t go back to prison now. He’d lose everything. Once again, he decided that he’d rather die than face Vanessa leaving him and moving on, or to have to end things if she refused. He couldn’t do it. He wanted her and the life they’d started. He wanted to marry her and be hers forever. And he wanted to love and care for Opal as his own, too. He wanted the whole picture more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.
But with his past and all he’d done, there was no way he could win this. He had to face reality at some point. His lawyer had to tell him it’d gone well. He was telling Hunter what he wanted to hear so he would stay calm. Who wanted a panicking client on their hands? He’d killed Jeremy and a lot of other men, and he had a history of killing. They’d be crazy not to find him guilty. He’d find himself guilty if he were on the jury.
And that was it. He really did feel like he deserved to go to prison. Why should he be happy? He hadn’t earned it. He had done nothing to think he could have this beautiful family, the love of this amazing woman. His whole life, he’d been a fuck up. From the time he was little, it was drilled into his head. He was dumb and couldn’t do anything. He wasn’t good enough at sports, he didn’t clean fast enough, he didn’t talk quiet enough. It was always something, and for everything he did wrong, there was a fist, a smack, a belt.
He’d tried to redeem himself with his first kill. He thought he was saving someone who loved him, someone who had suffered like him and seen past the junk into the real him. He’d been willing to do anything for her, anything to be seen for real. Yet that had fallen apart, too.
His ten years in prison had only served to make him angry. He learned how to kill better. He’d decided while there that he would become a hit man, that he’d gladly face prison if it meant taking out those who’d done wrong in the world. He thought about killing his girlfriend, to pay her back for lying. But when he’d found her, she was so wrecked on drugs, he hadn’t needed to bother. She’d paid herself plenty.
And then there was Vanessa. Who’d actually truly seen him. Who loved him for real, for his true self. Who would be by his side forever. She didn’t see him as only a criminal. She saw him as a hero. A true hero to her and Opal. Their love and admiration made him want to be better. They made him want to give up the life of crime and be that family man he’d never pictured himself being. They made him want to live a real life, not this going from job to job, killing people for a living life.
The foreman stood and put an abrupt end to his mind’s wanderings. He thought he was going to throw up. He watched, sweat trickling down his temple, as the man opened the piece of paper.
In a loud voice, he read, “We, the jury, find the defendant, Hunter Perrin, on the count of first degree murder, not guilty.”
His lawyer slapped him on the shoulder, and he felt Vanessa kiss his neck. Around him, people were cheering and clapping and celebrating. No. He couldn’t have heard right. They were celebrating the fact that a murderer was going to jail, that was all. They couldn’t be happy about him being free. Not someone who’d done what he’d done.
He stared straight ahead, blinking at the foreman. What had he just said?
“Are you okay?” Vanessa whispered.
He shook his head.
“It’s okay, baby. We did it!” She jumped over the wall that separated them and threw her arms around him.
His lawyer shook his hand and congratulated him. He let Vanessa lead him out of the courtroom as other people congratulated him. They walked out, and he stood in the bright sunlight for a moment before turning back to look at the court house. The court house he was not inside of right now in handcuffs.
A slow smile spread across his face. “I’m free. I’m really free.”
Vanessa laughed and threw herself against him, kissing him deeply.
