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I felt immense fear and unjustified panic. I didn’t fear him as he had implied.
I only feared how I’d react to his emotions. Especially since I liked it so much.
Despite being scared, I could see myself drowning in it.
And that feeling drew me still and made me toss words at him and have an attitude. I didn’t know how to control my feelings, handle the situation, or get a grip on myself.
And here we are, engulfed in a cloud of mixed feelings.
He runs the back of his index finger past my neckline before trailing down to the swell of my breasts, teasing my beaded nipples and continuing his exploration across my stomach.
He stops at the apex of my thighs and strokes an imaginary line that is precisely my slit behind the smooth, stretchy satin.
He looks down, enjoying the process, noticing how the tension builds in my body. How my spine arches and my chest pushes out.
“I will not fall in love with you. You know that…” I murmur.
My words make his finger stop, and his eyes flick up.
He seems unperturbed, a grin stretching across his lips.
“You won’t have a say… And as strange as it sounds, I won’t have a say either.”
His eyes glint with dark satisfaction, spurring a shudder in my frame.
“Are you talking about me falling for you? Or about you falling for me?”
He gives me a self-assured chuckle.
“I was talking about you.”
With that, he continues stroking me through my dress.
Even with the faintest touch, I get tingles and a soft pulse between my legs.
I don’t like his words, but I like his touch. On the other hand, his words mean nothing.
Everything is a pickup line with them, so I won’t lose sleep over it. I will certainly not fall for anyone before collecting my money.
And not because I’m a greedy, soulless, unaffectionate jerk, which I’m not. I don’t think so.
But because I’ve been in survival mode for too damn long, fighting to stay alive, so I know an opportunity when I see it.
He’s given me this opportunity––yes, he has––and I am grateful for it, but everything we say, feel, and do will turn to dust, eventually.
Time does that to people. And life does that too.
We enjoy everything right now. And even if we hated it, it would still not matter.
All good things turn to nothing, a memory at best, a pensive thought, maybe some nostalgia.
Even our memories will fade because time shifts things around, and what we think we feel at some point turns out to be nothing in the end.
Hearts are fickle things, and mine is no different. That’s why I’ve always tried to live in the present.
And right now, I do just that, and he makes me hot for him with his words and maybe even angry with him. And he is hot for me as well.
He wants the memory of the other two men to fade, and I’m fine with that too. It’s okay. I like them all.
