AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Dad slaps his knees, his face unchanged as if I didn’t talk about his deceased wife.
“I better get going. I’ll see you soon, sweetheart.”
He bends over and kisses me on the cheek. I wipe off his spit with my hand and scowl. He laughs and walks away, and I hate that he has the upper hand. I hate that after I thought I got away, he’s back, and he’s still in control.
When I look around the communal area at the other students who are visiting with their parents, a pang shoots through my chest.
My mom would have come here to see me. She would have been so proud. I wish I could tell her what’s going on in my life, share with her where I’m headed. I want to help people—people like her and people like me who were victims of abuse. I want to help them get stronger so that they can stand up and get out of the situation they’re in.
Sometimes, I wonder: if my mom never had me, would she have gotten away from my dad? Would she have been able to leave?
When my thoughts start to spiral, I snap myself out of it and leave the communal area. I learned a long time ago that wallowing in self-pity or wondering about what-ifs never helped anyone. The only thing that will change my life is if I get up and do something about it. Looking back doesn’t do anyone any good. The only reason I ever look back these days is so that I’ll remember where I was and keep fighting for where I want to be.
My mind drifts to other things like, for instance, how the fuck I’m supposed to get my hands on more money to pay for my dad’s silence. I gave him what I had, and it already wasn’t a lot. I don’t know how to get more, and I can’t keep stealing the way I got my hands on some money for food before. But to get a job while I’m trying to study is going to be hard.
It might be my only choice.
I’m in a black mood when I reach my room. The elation of my test going as well as it did is completely gone, and when Lacey is back in the room, my mood only gets blacker.
“There you are!” she cries out as if we haven’t seen each other in ages. “I was just looking for you.” She throws her arms around me in a hug, and I squirm out of it. We arenotthis close.
“So? How was it?” She doesn’t seem jarred in the least by my rudeness. I notice my test on my bed, and I squirm inwardly. Did she see it? If she did, she’ll start asking why I have the test and it hasn’t been handed in because Lacey is nosey as hell. She’ll start prying, and it will just get ugly.
Having her as my roommate is already a challenge because she’s so set on beingbest friendsand knowing everything about my life.
“Fine,” I say, stepping around her to the bed. I scrape my books and the test into a pile and shove them into my bag. “I think I managed okay.”
“That’s good,” she says. She doesn’t look like she saw my test. “I think mine went well, too.” She says it in a matter-of-fact way, and I’m willing to bet Laceyalwaysdoes well. For a fleeting moment, I wonder if bribing my way into being her roommate was a good idea. Maybe I should have bribed the RA to sendmeup to the seventh floor, rather than sending Lacey’s initial roommate, Abbey, up there.
Maybe that would have given me some peace and quiet.
But it would also have drawn too much attention, and that’s exactly what I don’t want.
Of course, Lacey still thinks I’m Abigail. I lied and told her I go by my middle name, and she bought it.
She’s pretty dumb for someone so smart.
“So, what are we going to do to celebrate?” Lacey asks. She sits on her bed and folds her legs underneath her. Everything about her is perfectly polished and preppy. I don’t know why she isn’t in some finishing school instead. They probably wouldn’t take someone they can’t teach anything about perfection.
“Celebrate?” I ask absently. I’m still fretting about my dad.
“Of course,” Lacey said with a roll of her eyes. “Work hard, play hard, don’t you know how it works?”
Lacey looks like the type to only work hard, but I remember her invitation to a party when I first arrived here.
“What did you have in mind?” I asked carefully. I don’t really want to hang out with Lacey, but I need to get out and around people. I need money, and the only way I can get some now is by stealing. It sounds awful—I hate the person I’ve become. But it’s not forever, I remind myself. It’s a means to an end.
“The hockey team is playing a game, and there’s an afterparty tonight. Nothing serious, just a little get-together.”
“It’s the first test of the term,” I say. “Is this celebration a regular thing?”
Lacey rolls her eyes and beams at me. “Any reason to party, right?”
“Right…” I’m hesitant, but I nod. “Okay, let’s do it.”
“Great!”
I already know I’m going to regret this, but sitting in my room all night long isn’t going to magically deliver a solution to my problem.
