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“It was me,” I say.
“What was you?”
“My dad. I killed him.”
Stone frowns. “What?”
“I swapped out the pills you gave him with the right stuff to finish the job. The stuff you thought you gave him wasn’t going to stop him.”
Stone shakes his head, confused. “I don’t know what you’re saying.”
I sigh and sit on his bed. “I knew you weren’t going to leave it alone, so I made sure you succeeded. I couldn’t do it anymore, Stone. I couldn’t keep living with him breathing down my neck like that. I couldn’t keep running.”
Stone pushes away from the door and comes to me. He’s angry; I can see it by the way he clenches his jaw, the way his body becomes rigid.
“You made it sound like I was a monster for trying to help. You made it sound like you didn’t want anything to do with me. You made me…a killer.”
“I know.” I swallow hard. “I’m sorry. But now you know it wasn’t you. It was me.”
He purses his lips together. He looks like he’s about to explode, and that look usually comes with a fist to the nose or a kick in the ribs. That’s what my life is like.
But Stone’s face crumples. “You said you want nothing to do with me,” he says again, and he looks so frail I want to hold him so that he doesn’t fall apart.
“I never said that. I said I can’t do this.”
“How the fuck am I supposed to interpret that?” he demands. His insides are warring between anger and sadness. I know what that feels like.
I nod. He’s right.
“I’m not upset about what you did. I’m relieved. I just…didn’t realize how you feel about me.”
Stone looks like his emotions are at war. He groans.
“What the fuck, Raina? What the hell is wrong with you?”
I stand, angry now, too. “Is that really a question you think you’re in a position to ask? We’re equally fucked up, you and I. You think your money makes you a saint, but you’re just as dark and twisted on the inside as I am. Don’t you dare—”
“Why did you walk away from me?” he demands.
“Because you love me, damn it!” I cry out. In a softer voice, I add, “I’m terrified. I can handle fists. I can handle bruises and broken bones and split skin. That shit heals.” He winces when I talk. “But love…that shit hurts, Stone. When you peel it back, what’s underneath? What kind of danger lurks there?”
Stone shakes his head. “I’m not like him. I won’t be like him, ever. Don’t you get that?”
“How do I know that?” I ask, and my fear is suddenly so strong, it threatens to choke me.
“Because I never pretended with you. I’ve already shown you all the ugly parts of me. That’s all there is, Raina. What he did to you and to your mom…that’s not love with a healthy serving of fucked-up on the side. That’s not love at all.”
He lifts his hand, coming closer to me slowly, like I’m a scared animal he doesn’t want to chase away. When he brushes my hair out of my face, I still flinch. It pains him when I do; I can see that.
“I won’t hurt you. I’m here to make it better. Okay? All of it.”
“You got me enrolled,” I say. My voice is wobbly, and I’m on the verge of tears. I know I can trust him—I canfeelit. When he touches me, it’s never to hurt me, even when there was no love involved. But a part of me, the part that reacts on impulse, is still scared. I’ve been beaten too many times not to cower when someone raises a hand.
“I wanted you to have a shot at a better life,” Stone says. “I know it’s been rough, but you can do this.”
My throat swells shut. My eyes sting with tears, and I can’t stop them from rolling over my cheeks.
“I don’t need you,” I say.
