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I gestured towards the door and waited for him to walk through first before I followed.
He led me all the way to the apartment and closed the door behind us.
He turned to face me. "Do I get any say in this?"
Through the bond, I felt his need to reach out to me. To hold me. Only his practiced restraint held him back.
"It's the best thing for you too," I said. "It's not healthy for you to be connected to me like this. It's only been a few days and I'm surprised you're not insane already." I was only half joking. “Or tired of me.”
"You know how much I hate magic," he said softly. "But having the connection to you has been…" He searched for the right words. "Enlightening. Weird. Wonderful. Feeling you enjoy it when I touched you was… Fucking hot. It was a whole new level of intimacy."
"It was," I agreed. "But it's not appropriate between a boss and her employee."
He brushed his knuckles lightly over my cheek. "We're more than that. You know how I feel about you. I know how you feel about me. Even without the bond, we share something."
I wanted to melt into his touch. Let Cooper entertain our guests for an hour or two, while we entertained each other.
Instead, I stepped away from him.
"What wehad. We have to forget about it. We're back home now. Things have to go back to the way they were."
"I can feel how hard you're trying to convince yourself of that," he said. "But I can also feel that you don't believe it either. I know you're trying to distance yourself from all four of us to protect yourself. And to protect us. But we're all big boys, we can protect ourselves. And you."
"The fact that you say all of that is another reason to break the bond," I said. "Do we really need to know what each other is thinking? Or feeling?" I shook my head. "It's not normal. If nothing else, women are supposed to be mysterious. The bond is fucking with that."
"You're still mysterious," he assured me. "I knew you were planning something, but not that it was this."
"It's reassuring to know I've managed to keep some things a secret, but I'm still doing this," I said firmly. "It's the right thing to do. And you said yourself you hate magic. I'm surprised you didn't suggest breaking it."
"Idohate magic," he said. "Very much. What does it say to you that I would keep a magical connection in spite of all of that?"
"It says you take your job too seriously. You need a holiday," I said dryly. "Don't make me insist."
"If Iconsentto this, you won't insist on me taking time off?" he asked.
His deliberate choice of words left me breathless. His eyes snapped with a rare display of anger which quickly dissipated into regret.
"I'm sorry, that was—"
"Yes it was," I snapped. "The fact that you would, for a moment, compare this to what Alistair Dagen did to me…" The worst part about it was that he was right. If I wasn't doing this with his consent, then I was as good as forcing it on him. I never said I wasn't an asshole, but to compare myself to someone so irredeemably disgusting was a whole new low.
"I’m sorry," I said finally. "I had no right to spring this on you. I should have warned you."
He drew himself up, his bodyguard mask firmly in place. "You're the boss. You get to do whatever you want. My job is to make sure no one gets in your way. Including me. I apologise for arguing. It was unprofessional."
I knew that wall he put up around himself all too well. I had no right to feel hurt about it, but I did. Dagen was like the opposite of King Midas. Everything he touched turned to shit. Or maybe it was just me and I was looking for someone else to blame. Either way, a perfectly good working relationship was now tense and I wasn't sure if we would ever be able to go back to the way things were.
"Ben." I wasn't sure what I was going to say. Really, what could I say that would make this any better? "Let's get this over with." I wasn't going to change my mind but the longer we put it off, the harder it would be. There was no point in prolonging this any longer than necessary.
"Yes, boss." His response was almost robotic. Did I sound like that when I was trying to shut everyone out? Probably.
I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore, so I kept my gaze on the floor as we walked back to the office.
We needed to get rid of this bond because, if nothing else, I didn't need him knowing how close I was to crying.
Ivory didn't cry. Ivory was unbreakable. Unshakeable. Nothing got to me. No one got to me. I played those words over and over in my head like a mantra.
"We're ready," I said as we stepped back into the office.
