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I scoop her up into my arms and hold her tight and start to rock. She buries her face in my neck and clings to my jacket.
“I was so excited.”
“About what? Talk to me.”
Jace comes and sits on the floor with us. Ny turns from my arms and jumps into his. I feel a deep pang in my chest.
She starts to sob all over again. “It’s going to be okay. Not this time, but someday.”
“I didn’t know how much I wanted this. I hate that it wasn’t real.”
“Someone tell me what the hell is going on,” I demand.
“I…I thought I was pregnant,” she says, rocking my entire world.
“By who?”
I close my eyes, knowing that’s a fucked-up question in this moment. Jace glares at me over Ny’s head. I shrug out of my coat and suit jacket.
“You. Jace and I use protection, and if you haven’t noticed, he hasn’t been asking you for permission.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Are you two having problems?”
“No,” Jace replies. “Things have just been different. We can get each other off without sex.”
“Marone. All right, all right.” I hold my hands up. “So you thought you were pregnant. What happened?”
“My period came. I’m not.” She pouts. “I really wanted to be.”
I palm my face. “Ny, listen to me. I love you with everything I am, but I don’t think we should have a baby.”
“I know, now isn’t a good time. I’m still young, we have this thing to take care of. I get it, but I really started to get excited.”
No, baby. I don’t ever want to have children.
I don’t have it in me to say the words out loud. She’s already so upset. Jace looks me in the eyes as if searching for something. I sigh and look away.
I’m not going to lie, there is a part of me that’s disappointed. However, I don’t want Jace to see that. If he does, he’ll help Ny to get this from me someday. I can’t have that.
“What happened to your birth control? Should I be using condoms too?”
The thought of anything between us burns like acid. However, I’m anything but reckless. If she’s stopped her pill, I should know.
“Birth control isn’t one hundred percent and I had to change mine. I thought maybe…” She shrugs.
I stand. “I’m going to take a shower. I’ll cook when I get out.”
With that, I grab my things, get up, and leave to be alone with my thoughts. I almost wish it had been a person I had to kill waiting when I arrived.
A baby. She really wants a baby. The one thing I don’t want to give her.
* * *
Jace
“If I could, I’d make this better for you,” I murmur into Ny’s hair as we sit in the same spot on the floor while I hold her.
“He wouldn’t have wanted it,” she says sadly.
