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“How about this. Let’s take this slow. No one has to know we’re seeing each other. We’re just two friends, hanging out for prolonged periods of time.”
No one has to know.That stings. It’s what I want but…I don’t know. The idea of being his secret friend, maybe more, doesn’t sit well with me. Yet, if I pushed those queasy feelings to the side, I did like the notion of us hanging out. Grant was intense and I was interested in seeing what happened when you were the soul focus of that intensity.
“Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yeah,” I chuckle at his surprise. “Let’s hang out. See what happens.”
Wasting no time, Grant quickly stands and strides over to my side of the table. His lips cover mine hungrily. It’s a hot, drugging kiss that has me leaning into him. Before things can get really heated, he pulls back. His eyes are dilated with lust, making me lick my lips, trying to recapture his taste. Grant smiles, giving me another quick kiss before standing tall again. It’s then, as I watch his every graceful, strong movement that I hear the faint sound of chimes.
“It’s my alarm. I need to get going. I have training in an hour.” He doesn’t look happy sharing this news with me.
“You set an alarm?”
“Just in case,” he sasses. “You distract me to the point of forgetfulness.”
I make a rude sound, believing his words.
“Didn’t you already workout this morning?”
“I did.”
“And you’re leaving to go workout again.”
“I am.”
My God, his stamina must be off the charts. No! I couldn’t think like that. Not when he was already leaving me hot and bothered.
“Right. Well, have fun.”
“I love my job Lex, but in no way is training fun,” he put the last word in air quotes.
I shrug, throwing back some sass with a hint of a smile playing on my lips. “Oh, you poor baby. Being paid the big bucks to stay in shape.”
“You’re really something,” he laughs with me, pulling me back into him. Quick as lightening he bends down and kisses my check, stunning me. “See you soon.”
I watch him saunter away, my eyes glued to his ass. Whoa! Giving myself a moment to unpack everything that just went down and settle the lust that’s simmering in my belly, I let out a loud, dramatic sigh, then head back inside. I’m not even two feet in the door before Belinda’s knowing grin is lasering into me. Her eyes kept darting to me as she takes care of a customer and I make my way back around the counter. Turning on the tap, I begin to wash my hands, ignoring her. When the bell over the front door jingles, I know my time is up.
“Oh my God Lexi! Grant Helms literally came in to see if you were okay! Grant Helms, Lexi!”
“Yes Bee, I’m aware of his full name.”
Her hands grip my shoulders tightly, making me give my full attention to her. My whole body begins to shake as she jumps up and down in excitement. I can’t help but laugh.
“Are you guys a thing now? Did you agree to go out with him?”
“No, we’re not athing. We’re…friends? We’re casually going to meet whenever we have some free time.”
“You’re such a bad liar. You’re totally becoming a thing. If someone looked at me the way he looks at you,” she sighs, fanning her face, “I would not hesitate with all this friend crap you’re throwing around.”
I don’t respond. I’m over having this conversation for the third time today. I need to digest everything, not overthink every small detail. Drying my hands, I turn to inspect the donut trays.
“I know why you’re doing this,” Belinda begins, her voice low and loving. “But you know, you deserve to be happy. To have someone take care of you once in a while.”
My breath catches in my throat. I’m afraid what will come out of my mouth if I open it, so I give her a micro tilt of my head. She can interpret that however she likes. With another squeeze to my arm she lets go of me and steps away. I excuse myself and head to the bathroom. With the door securely locked behind me, I lean against it and let out the breath I’d been holding. A small sob escapes with it.
My reflection catches my eye. Staring at myself, I see a woman whose smile hides so much grief, and shoulders that hold the weight of a thousand galaxies. I have so much good in my life, so much to be grateful for. But at moments like this, when I imagine reaching for something beyond my scope, I’m harshly reminded why I can’t have everything I want. I can’t forget what the past has made me, but I can focus on the light the future held.
