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I wanted to fucking punch him, but I restrained myself. He was right. This Marinka hated being ordered around. She needed freedom and I hadn’t really given it to her.
I took a deep breath and decided to talk to Marinka and Lilly now. I walked upstairs, summoning peace and calm. The door to Lilly’s bedroom was ajar.
“Mommy, why are you so angry with Daddy? He’s very sad,” I overheard Lilly asking, right at the moment I was ready to walk in there.
My heart accelerated. This girl was too perceptive and I hated that she noticed what was going on between us. A short silence followed.
“Don’t be silly, darling. I’m not angry with him. Mommy is just tired,” Marinka replied, no doubt hating having to lie to our daughter.
“No, Mom, can’t you see he’s not smiling anymore and you two don’t kiss. Girls and boys like to kiss when they’re old, like you,” Lilly pressed. The little monster wasn’t letting it go. She was so clever and wise for her age.
“All right, I will kiss him for you,” Marinka agreed and then I knocked and stepped in.
Marinka narrowed her eyes on me.
“Daddy!” Lilly shouted and she was in my arms, squeezing my neck. My heart was full again.
“I was thinking that we—you, your mom and me—should have a family day out. There is a big fair on a farm and they have lots of fun stuff to do. There’ll be animals to pet, and pony rides” I said, looking in Marinka’s direction. She was tidying up the toys, not even trying to meet my gaze.
Lilly started squealing with glee, squirming in my arms, so I put her down so she could jump up and down. “Please, Mom! Let’s go there!”
“When is this?” my wife asked.
“Tomorrow. We can leave at ten,” I said.
Lilly shot out of the room like a missile, calling for Pedro so she could tell him about the fair.
Her bubbly outburst was now replaced by a gray cloud of doom.
“Why are you doing this? I don’t think it’s such a good idea,” she said, finally glancing at me. My heart was fucking breaking because her eyes had lost the usual spark. She looked absolutely miserable and this was all my fault.
“Because I want us to have fun. We are a family and you have been stuck here for weeks,” I said calmly.
She laughed, a mirthless sound. “So we can play one big happy family? That won’t change anything, Sebastian.”
I walked up to her, standing as close as I could without making her skittish. Her scent was already driving me crazy as I reached out to touch her cheek. She flinched, but at least, she didn’t back away.
“Let me try, teacup. I know I messed up … but I want you to trust me again. I want us to be happy together, as we used to be.”
CHAPTER14
Marinka
We were in his car,heading to the fair, and pretending to be a real family for a day. He’d even told Pedro to trail us in a separate car because he was driving this one, so we could be—almost—normal.
Lilly was so excited. She’d been a little tired and cranky this morning. She didn’t sleep well in the night and I thought she had a slight fever, but I didn’t say anything to Sebastian especially since she was fine now. Well, we barely spoke these days, although we had to interact because of Lilly. She was so perceptive, nothing escaped her notice.
The past few weeks had been hard on me. Sebastian had crossed a line and I felt humiliated and embarrassed by the fact that I had almost come that night when he spanked me, turned from a kind man into some sort of domineering asshole. I was done with him, done with being treated like a child. The whole experience left me confused and the biggest problem was just how much I enjoyed it.
I knew the moment I woke up the next day that he wasn’t the man for me, but the way he made me come felt unbelievably intense and humiliating at the same time. It was hard for me to admit that it was the best orgasm I’d ever had. Not that I had much to compare it to. Sebastian was the only man I had ever slept with, after all, but the way he abandoned me after he was done—no caresses, no tenderness, no love—made me feel like trash. He just left me in my bedroom feeling vulnerable and lost. I hated it and, in that moment, I hated being married to him.
In the past few weeks, we had exchanged only a few words with each other. This wasn’t easy on any of us, but we had to interact for the sake of our daughter. She wasn’t stupid. She could sense something was going on.
Sebastian wasn’t even trying to be there for me. The sex had been great, but we had never connected emotionally. I didn’t feel like I had a husband who cared about me, and my healing. I didn’t want this life. Besides, my parents still hadn’t visited us and I was too proud to ask Sebastian about it.
“Are you excited about the fair, Lilly?” he asked.
I tried not to look at him, at how his shirt hugged the muscles on his arms. Or think about us sitting in this confined space together. I felt his gaze bore into me several times during the ride, but I refused to succumb to his limitless charms.
