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"Why not, Ela?" Anver pressed.
"Because I don't hurt the ones I love," I said, shoving back my chair and pushing to my feet. "I have one limit, and that's it."
Then I turned and left, not caring if any of them followed me. I heard another chair, which was probably Wraythe, but I didn't stop. He could catch up. He didn't have to, and I didn't need to be babysat every second of every day, but I knew he was bound a little too tightly to me. Just like Talin was tied so close to Nari. They couldn't help it, so I wouldn't yell at him, but I was done with this conversation.
Just as I reached the door of the dining hall, small fingers caught my arm, tugging me to a stop. Nari's fingers. I turned, surprised to see her looking up at me and the guys still waiting at the table.
"Then don't hurt me," she said, her voice little more than a whisper so those around us couldn't hear. "Ela, there's a big gap between doing something and hurting me with it. You didn't hurt Talin. You didn't hurt Osas. That proves you have control - as if we ever doubted."
"But you have to get an excellent," I reminded her, "and some halfhearted display isn't going to make that happen."
"So, what if we compromise?" Her golden eyes searched mine desperately. "Bind my hands, but not my legs. Don't gag me, but you can choke me with your hand or something that slips. A compromise, Ela. We can make this work if we trust each other, right?"
I leaned in, pressing my brow to hers. "I love you so much, Nari. I never want to see you look at me with fear in your eyes."
"I'm not sure I could," she breathed. "Ela, I still think about that moment when you grabbed me by the throat."
"Yeah, me too," I admitted. "I'm so sorry. It just happened - "
"And I wished you hadn't let go." Her hand pressed against the side of my face. "I want to share everything with you. Every. Single. Thing. Including this. Including being tied. I want to, I just don't know how - and I will never be helpless like that again."
I scanned her face, finding nothing but honesty. No fear. No hidden worries. This was nothing more than my girl - the most amazing woman in the temple - begging me for help. Beggingmeto trusther.
So I nodded. "I can tie your hands so you can release yourself. I'll need to practice, because it's not a knot I use a lot. You'd be tied but not helpless. Would that work?"
"Yes!" A smile took over her lips. "And you can bend me around, using my flexibility for the best effect, right? Hold me down with a restraint around my neck, maybe?"
An idea popped into my mind, but I couldn't bring myself to mention it. I wasn't sure how she'd take it. The silence stretched on, her smile starting to fade, so I just blurted it out.
"What about a noose? Not of rope, but like a slip collar. Like the cravat I used on Tishlie?" I braced to see disgust on her face.
"A belt," she said. "So when you stop pulling, it releases. A concession for my fear of being unable to get free, and that would be one for your fear of going too far. Think we can make it look sexy enough?"
A belt. Something with a roller on the buckle. If I made it wide enough, I could use it to bend her by her throat, wrapping the end around my fist... Yes, that would work. It would look even more amazing than the results, but the point of this was the display. It was more about what the viewers got from our performance than our own pleasure.
"Yeah," I said, "I can work with that, but are yousure, Nari? I'd rather fail all of this than ever hurt you. The thought of you being scared of me is more than I could handle."
"I will never be scared of you," she swore. "I'm sure, Ela. You are my partner, my guardian, and one of the men I love. There's no room in any of that for fear."
Chapter 62
Nariana
We spent the rest of the week making plans and trying out things. It wasn't always sexual, either. Ela grabbed my throat, gripping tighter until he felt uncomfortable with what he was doing. I showed him how hard he could squeeze before it was painful, and we set up a subtle sign for if I needed to breathe. I simply looked from one side to the other until he let up.
Then I had him tie me, adding a bit more until I became anxious. We tried out different knots, each one with a way for me to release it. Eventually, he found one that I didn't mind at all. It required me to hold the end. One small piece of rope that, if tugged, pulled the whole thing free.
And we studied. All of us had both practical and lecture courses. The lecture-style courses would have exams. Long ones, often with multiple choice answers. For me, that was Advanced Literature, Assignments, and Erotic Positions. The first would be an essay, the second would test my knowledge of the system we used to set up sessions with patrons, and the last was based on the benefits and drawbacks of specific sexual positions, plus the inherent risks of each.
That weekend, the dining hall stayed open all night, with a notice they would not close again until the last exam was done. The graduated priests made comments about how it was that time of year again, which meant this was an annual thing. The four of us - five, when Anver came around to study - enjoyed it. Just carrying our books to a new place helped with the pressure slowly piling up on all of us.
Naturally, the first exam came before I was ready: Orientation to Sexuality. That morning, I got dressed up as seductively as possible, fixed my hair so it wouldn't fall in my face, and made sure to paint my lips with a bright red color. Ela debated between looking sharp or dressing as if he didn't care. Wraythe convinced him to go with the latter. That didn't mean my partner put any less effort into his appearance, though. Instead of wrapping himself in expensive fabrics and jeweled accents, Ela picked clothes that showed off his perfect body, making it even easier to see every sensual thing about him.
Then we headed to class. Talin offered me his arm like a gentleman, so I accepted. A split second later, Wraythe did the same to Ela. I expected him to roll his eyes, but Ela actually took Wraythe's arm - and then patted his forearm, feeling the hidden blade strapped there.
"And you?" I asked Talin.
He just smiled. "Dagger in the boot. Not taking any chances anymore, Nari. It was also Jamik's idea."
