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"So you've picked a Path?" Jamik asked.
I shook my head, glancing over to Wraythe. "I haven't, but I'm no longer worried about it." My eyes moved to Eladehl. "I was stuck on all the things I didn't know, worried it would be more than I could take."
"I knew you should've shielded her from the worst parts," Jamik told Amerlee.
"Actually," I said, "that wasn't my problem. Getting hurt is fast and then it's over. One way or another, it's over. I trust Zeal to know how much I can take. It's actually the other things. If I could talk to strangers. Would I be happy helping others outside the people I consider family? Could I truly lay with a complete stranger? Those questions, which are impossible to know."
"And?" Amerlee asked.
I nodded. "I'm ok. I still don't have all the answers, but I figured out the part I need to."
"Which was?" Wraythe asked.
"That I really do get a say in all of this. I'm not being pawned off again, or thrown away, or even ignored. I wanted to know that whatIneed actually matters, and Zeal made it clear that it does."
Something changed, the sound of conversation around us shifting, and the guys looked up. "It's time," Jamik told them. "That's the first student being locked in. Go find your mentors."
"Yeah," Eladehl agreed, but he stopped to kiss me first. "I love you, Nari. Even when you scare the shit out of me like that. See you on the other side?"
"Promise." Then I turned to Wraythe, wrapping my arms around his neck. "I love you too. I'm sorry we fought, and I saw Puppy."
He palmed the side of my neck. "I can't remember my sister's face, and I can'tforgetyours. I'll pray that Zeal keeps you with us, but on a Path you'll be happy with."
Then he kissed me, the slow, careful kind that only came from caring far too much. "Go," I reminded him, stepping away from his arms.
The two of them left, disappearing around the corner to make their way to their mentors. Unfortunately, Amerlee didn't give me a chance to savor the moment. Catching my arm, she pulled me closer to the door of my room, shifting so the group beside us couldn't see anything but her back. Jamik moved beside her.
"I don't care where you were," she told me. "Just answer me one thing: did you do anything that will have your marks stripped in there?"
"I honestly don't think so," I promised. "I mean, we're no longer students once our grades are posted, right?"
"Correct," she said cautiously.
"And we're only supposed to delay penetration while we're students, right?" I asked.
Jamik chuckled. "You found a fucking loophole in a god's rules?"
"Agodshowed me a loophole in his rules," I clarified. "I prayed for a sign and was given an answer instead."
"And?" Amerlee asked. "Do not make me wait a whole day, fretting about this. You clearly had sex. Was it all you hoped?"
I glanced over to make sure no one was listening. "More. I was scared I wouldn't like it. That I'd be one of those women who said it hurt, yet stuck on the Path of the Body. I..." All I could do was shake my head. "I'm not scared anymore, Amerlee. I'm ok with wherever I end up, even Obligation."
Jamik caressed the top of my head. "I still think you'll find the Path of the Word, little sister. Sometimes, you overthink things in the worst ways."
"So am I in trouble?" I asked, just as Saval rounded the corner, aiming for the room beside mine.
Amerlee shook her head. "No, you're fine. The threat to drop you to Obligation is just that. It's an empty threat and rarely used. Even when kids are caught in the act, they usually get more training and a long lecture, nothing more."
I breathed a sigh of relief. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
"You told Zeal," she assured me. "That's all that matters. Now, let's get you into your room. Hug your brother, because he doesnotwant to see you without that robe."
I turned to Jamik and grabbed him as hard as I could. "Thank you for being amazing," I told him. "If I'm a guardian, I want to be just like you."
"I'll train you myself," he promised. "Now go."
Amerlee opened the heavy wooden door to my Choosing Room and walked in with me. There, on a table near the front, a single candle was burning. Another waited beside it, the pair marked with hours. They would serve as both a clock and illumination, but the table they were on was really the only furniture in the room.
